49ers hosting some safety named Dahl … oh whatever, let’s talk about Warren G

If you thought the news came too fast and too furious, you can relax for a minute. Since the 49ers added BAD SKUTA last night, they have done absolutely nothing, unless you count Aldon Smith getting shoulder surgery while training with Ronda Rousey (you may have heard different details, but I’m sticking with my story).

Sure, they’ve been in the mix on a couple rumors. They invited Roald Dahl to Santa Clara. You know, the author. God, he’s great. I read and re-read James and the Giant Peach, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and The BFG all the time when I was a kid. He must also play a mean safety, because why else would the 49ers have him over unless he’s doing a reading for Jim Harbaugh, Jed York, Trent Baalke and Paraaaaaag Marathe.

Oh silly me, they were referring to Craig Dahl of the St. Louis Rams. Who the hell is that guy? I like to think I watch a lot of sports, and I couldn’t pick him out of lineup if he was wearing a shirt with “CRAIG DAHL” on the front. And he’s in the 49ers’ division. Let’s see what my (Twitter) friend Jeff from Pro Football Focus says about him:

Okay, enough about this Dahl character. If Veruca Salt isn’t involved — either the book character or the band — I’m not interested right now. Covering both every Giants Spring Training game and every 49ers move has left me delirious, and I’d really rather talk about a tweet I found while surfing the Internet way too late last night.

I like how Warren G was able to grab @regulator as his Twitter handle. Well done, Warren. I must have played Regulate…G Funk Era at least 5,000 times back when I was in high school. Just writing this makes me want to listen to “And Ya Don’t Stop” right now. I also love how Rolling Stone gave this album three stars.

Sorry, we were expecting a little more here. Perhaps a track featuring Bono, Michael Stipe or maybe even Liz Phair would’ve brought this into the 3.5-star range. Otherwise, meh.

But what gives, Warren? All the sudden, just because your buddy Akbar Gbajabiamila has a totally legit scoop (still waiting…), you’re all bitter about the 49ers? Paper champs? Just because they came within a play of winning the Super Bowl and are trying to make their team better?

OHHHHHHH….