Marshawn Lynch

49ers fans win Schadenfreude Bowl 49

Seahawks Richard Sherman face Super Bowl 49

The Seahawks have made a habit of collecting 49ers castoffs. Michael Robinson and Will Tukuafu blocked for Marshawn Lynch. B.J. Daniels is still on Seattle’s roster (checks roster on — yeah, he’s still there). Demarcus Dobbs played snaps in the Super Bowl, as did …

Ricardo Lockette.

Yes, the guy who 49ers fans know as “one of the two dudes Kap was hanging out with in Miami when that woman accused him of sexual assault” was the target of a pass Russell Wilson threw that ended Super Bowl 49 in a very, very bad way for the Seahawks.

Ricardo Lockette.

For 49ers fans who’ve been beaten and battered over the last several months, this was a gorgeous sight. Wilson, whose game is built on escapability and long passes downfield that always seem to end up on target (if they don’t rattle around off assorted body parts before landing in the arms of his intended receiver, like that wild Jermaine Kearse reception), threw an interception that changed his life forever.

The Seahawks’ hubris was palpable. Marshawn Lynch had 102 yards on 24 carries, but Seattle thought Wilson would continue his run of outstanding clutch play in the most important spot of the season. Pete Carroll explained afterward why they passed — they had only one timeout, the Patriots put in a goal-line package, and after an incompletion the Seahawks would’ve been able to run on third and fourth down if necessary.

If that’s what helps the New Age gum-chomper sleep at night … cool, bro. Everyone else will point and laugh at this:

The 49ers did diddly squat this year, other than chop the top off their coaching staff after a disappointing regular season. But at least fans won’t have to worry about the chance of a Seahawks threepeat at Levi’s Stadium. But what makes Feb. 1, 2015 even more satisfying is how the Patriots won. (OK, OK, how the Seahawks lost.)

Seattle held a 10-point lead several minutes into the fourth quarter, until Tom Brady (who pulled up even with Joe Montana in Super Bowl wins and MVPs) threw touchdown passes to Danny Amendola and Julian Edelman, who despite all evidence to the contrary are NOT the same person.

The Seahawks looked like they were on their way to yet another magical performance, a win that would’ve looked even more amazing and unlikely than the NFC Championship victory over Green Bay. Then Wilson fired a pass to Lockette, which seemed about as logical as the Giants handing the ball to Hunter Strickland in Game 7 against the Royals instead of Madison Bumgarner.

The Seahawks are still a much, much better team than the 49ers. They’ve had a tremendous two-year run, and played well in one of the best Super Bowls in recent memory … and 49ers fans know what it’s like to lose a close Super Bowl with a dumb play (alright, PLAYS) near the goal-line. What this signifies more than anything else — for 49ers fans, anyway — has nothing to do with the players. 

This is a much-needed humbling of one of the most ridiculous fan bases in sports, filled with people who talk and act like they’re on the 53-man roster and wear jerseys that say “12” and “FAN” on the back without the slightest hint of irony.

Yes, the Seahawks are a much, much better team than the 49ers. But there’s no kind of pain like “we just lost the Super Bowl” pain, and 49ers fans absolutely love that Seahawks and the “12s” are feeling this kind of pain in the rawest way possible tonight … unlike nine years ago, when the ‘Hawks lost by 11 to the Steelers but Seattle fans still found a way to focus on conspiracy theories.

And because I’m a big jerkface, here are some parting shots from someone who’s been ripped by Jed York loyalists over the last month for being overly critical of the Niners …

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