Niners RaidersWhat do we talk about in this long NFL offseason? Well, I guess the more appropriate question is: What do we talk about when players aren’t beating each other in the head with beer bottles?

The answer: Fashion.

Unfortunately, if you’re looking for tips on whether to wear an English spread or a Londoner collar with extra long repp tie, this post isn’t for you. In fact, you’re probably only here because I duped you with my search engine optimization black magic. But, if you really want my opinion on the matter, I think you can never go wrong with the Puritan collar —  especially for job interviews. Nothing says “I’m subservient” quite like a Puritan collar.

Now that I’ve offended our Puritan readers, I’ll digress. If you’re here to discuss whether or not your team has the best jersey in the NFL, you’re in the right place. And, as a likely fan of a Bay Area football team, you’ve been spoiled by your teams uniform selection. At least, the NFL Network’s Dave Dameshek think so.

According to Dameshek, the self proclaimed “Uniform Monitor,” “Football fans in the Bay Area are treated — whichever side you lean to. They both have wonderful uniforms. In fact, I would say the 49ers have the best uniforms in the NFC,  and I would say the Oakland Raiders have the best uniforms in the AFC.”

In a bracket-style competition, Dameshek slotted both the 49ers and Raiders as the number one seed in their respective division.

On the 49ers, Dameshek made quite the allusion, calling the 49ers jersey the “Mona Lisa of NFL uniforms.”

“Although I don’t know if that’s the greatest of analogies to make because the Mona Lisa isn’t all that attractive,” Dameshek continued. “And as you can plainly see, this is a glorious get up. Behold, the red jerseys without a stitch of grey in them — just the white. Simple as all get-out. The gold helmet is glorious.”

The Raiders, too, have glorious jerseys, according to Dameshek’s aesthetic sensibilities. “Simplicity is the issue,” Dameshek noted. “Everybody else with the lines and the crazy stripes up the sides of the jerseys. The vertical stripes: who needs them? Not the Oakland Raiders. They don’t even have a stitch of white in those uniforms, and it looks wonderful.”

That the Raiders do have a stitch of white, at least in their “away” jerseys, is a mere triviality. Dameshek’s point remains, “As long as uniform rankings, the Raiders will be at, or at least very close to, the top. … When it comes to uniforms, the Raiders just win, baby.”

So, which has the best in the Bay? Well, I’d have to give the Raiders the nod, if only because they’ve remained true to their jersey for decades. The 49ers, on the other hand, went through that unsightly, boy-bandish phase in late ’90s and early ’00s. But, my name is the East Bay Sports Guy, which probably invalidates my opinion.