Anthony Randolph

49ers roll out red carpet for Kurt Warner

The Internets are all a twitter about Kurt Warner, because the 49ers look like they’re actually serious about bringing the formerly bearded one to San Francisco.

Actually I probably should have worded that last sentence better, since Twitter is more commonly used for purposes like organizing pub crawls and providing Shaq more ways to question an opponent’s manhood.

(Side note: Speaking of Twitter, I have to admit I had no idea this season would see the resurgence of Shaq. The “Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes” rap that was the best thing Shaq’s ever done musically, he shared the All-Star MVP with Kobe and in his last two games has scored 78 points to lead the Steve Nash-less Suns to wins over the Raptors and Lakers, and now is possibly on the verge of the first Twitter war with Chris Bosh, who Shaq recently called the “RuPaul of big men.” And that’s without mentioning the spectacular “Shaqtus” Scrabble commercial for ESPN. Something tells me when Shaq retires Kenny Smith better work on his resume, because Shaq’s going to be on TV for years.)

I’m sure you wouldn’t be surprised to know I’d jump at the chance to be a 49ers beat writer, but today Matt Maiocco, John Crumpacker, Matt Barrows and the rest are left chasing limos and trying to catch a glimpse of Kurt and Brenda Warner, all the while hoping and praying their failing newspapers would let them expense the Jumbo Jack Value meals they all shared in a fogged-up Ford Taurus while stalking Santa Clara like private investigators monitoring a cheating husband.

Think the NFL makes money? At the same time the Dow Jones was sinking below 6,900 for the first time since 1997, the Warners were (reportedly) boarding a private jet to the Bay Area, where they would be picked up by a stretch limo and driven to Niner headquarters.

Maiocco rebutted my comparison of the Great Warner Chase to the Giants and Manny Ramirez (or more likely he was poo-pooing the words of Tim Kawakami, but whatever). Maiocco’s point was the 49ers are much more serious about stealing Warner from their division rivals than the Giants are about adding Manny to their anemic lineup. Regardless if the Niners are successful in luring Warner up north (and with the weather we’re having today, I can’t imagine it will be easy to persuade the Warners to move away from Arizona), just the idea that the 49ers would offer a quarterback who’ll be 38 in April a two-year deal worth $30M shows that the NFL’s playing field is still very green.

What else is going on?

–The A’s signed Orlando Cabrera, meaning Bobby Crosby’s career is that much closer to being over. Cabrera was signed to a one-year, $4M contract, while the Giants signed Edgar Renteria months ago to a two-year, $18 M deal. More evidence why it makes more sense that Brad Pitt will eventually play Billy Beane in a movie and not Brian Sabean. (Athletics Nation)

–Anybody else watch Tony Randolph last night? I can’t think of a more entertaining lefty dunker currently in the NBA besides Josh Smith. (SF Gate)

–While Randolph’s rising, Marco Belinelli is playing his way out of town. He’s started the last 3 games, and here are his combined numbers in those starts (warning: not for the faint of heart): 54 min, 5-for-14 shooting, 3 reb, 9 ast, 8 TO, 11 pts. Ouch. (Yahoo)

–It looks bad for three of the four guys on Oakland Raiders linebacker Marquis Cooper’s boat off the coast of Florida. Nick Schuyler was found clinging to the boat, which Schuyler says flipped over while anchored on Saturday during rough weather. Schuyler says Cooper, free agent lineman Corey Smith and former South Florida player William Bleakley were separated from the boat, and Coast Guard rescue teams are still looking for them. (USA Today)

–While the Niners are going after Warner, the Lions and Vikings may be interested in trading for Jay Cutler. C’mon Niners, I know Mike Singletary and Warner working together is as close as an NFL team can come to signing Jesus, but Cutler’s 12 years younger! (Denver Post)

–It’s Ralph Barbieri’s 25th year anniversary on KNBR today (actually, his first day was March 1, 1984, but not much use celebrating the Razor’s amazing longevity on a Sunday). 25 straight years anywhere is a remarkable feat in this day and age, especially for a non-athletic guy whose voice could be described as a combination of Joe Pesci, Mike Tyson and a bad headcold to become the most venerable figure on a sports talk radio station. I have to say, The Razor and Mr. T has really improved in recent months, to the point where it has gone from my fourth-favorite show on KNBR to my favorite. And yes, I change favorite KNBR hosts like junior high girls change BFF’s. (KNBR)

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