Billy Beane

Beane Meltdown … guaranteed!

Are the A’s really moving to Fremont or not? Everyone seems to be in agreement that Billy Beane has been whittling his team down to Eric Chavez and a bunch of 20-year-olds in preparation for a new stadium in Lewis Wolff’s prized jewel of the South Bay, a town known for, um, having a Fry’s (guaranteed).

But if for some reason it doesn’t work out in Fremont in a few years, are we looking at a Beane meltdown, where he can’t stop trying to trade Daric Barton for the entire American Legion World Series championship team?

Beane: C’mon, I know you know ball. Look at Barton. Are you looking at him on the TV right now? He’s a gamechanger.

American Legion Manager: Why do you keep calling?

Beane: I’m talkin’ a Major League Veteran. Four years of solid service. An All-Star, great fielder, a shining light in the community. Simply put, you’re getting a steal here. I have a Babe Ruth manager that’s dying to take this offer. (Whistles to himself as he checks out his fingernails)

American Legion Manager: Listen, I can let you have my son, but we have to field a team next year. Besides, we can’t afford him. Actually, Barton’s parents will owe us $1,200…we travel a lot.

Beane: If you look at Barton’s OPS charts, he peaks in June, a key Legion month. He can handle the grind, and he can provide your team with a year’s supply of bats, gloves and seeds.

American Legion Manager: Regular or Barbecue?

Beane: All of the above, my friend…and Ranch!

Stanford Loses Another Set of Twin Towers, Giants Stuck in Park, Stack Struggling

– Doesn’t it seem right that the Lopez twins will soon be entering the NBA just as Jason and Jarron Collins’ careers are winding down?

– For a team that talks about a focus on team speed and aggressive baserunning, doesn’t it defeat the purpose to clog your lineup with Bengie Molina as your cleanup hitter?

– Or Rich Aurilia as your No. 2?

– My early call to win the World Series: The Chicago Cubs. Not for talent reasons, but because only the Cubs and the Cleveland Indians have gone longer without a winning a World Series than the Giants. Wait, I’m not from the East Coast, why am I thinking like this?

– Stephen Jackson isn’t the Warriors MVP, due to several reasons: his suspension at the beginning of the season, his inconsistency and his incredibly high dribbling. But he might be the Warriors MIP (Most Important Player, not Minor in Possession). Good thing he chose back-to-back games against the Spurs and Mavericks to throw up a combined 3-for-23. The Warriors can never be counted out, but if Stack keeps shooting like this they’ll be getting a ping-pong ball or two in the next Draft Lottery.

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