“Seaman” double entendres. “Politicians” as masturbation fuel. The motto of last night was, “If you have Brian Wilson or Tracy Morgan as a guest on your show, it’s going to get messy.”

I didn’t watch “Lopez Tonight” last night, partly because I forgot Brian Wilson was on, and partly because I never watch “Lopez Tonight.” Sorry, I have a rule against watching talk shows featuring a host who’ll turn 50 within three months — if the host gels his hair into a faux hawk. But it’s B-Weezy, so I had to check it out. Check out the gray-bearded Giants closer talk about “sexual” massages in Thailand, the pain of blueballs in the bullpen, and smelling baseballs in his locker.

You know we’re all used to Wilson’s act when he spends all that time talking about “release” and it’s less of a story than an unpredictable and frequently vulgar comedian talking about putting Sarah Palin in his spank bank. For the few of you who haven’t heard, Kenny Smith asks Morgan who he’d rather get to know better, Palin or Tina Fey.

And as soon as you can say “MILF,” Tracy Morgan takes Ricky Gervais’ spot as the offensive comedian du jour — until the next time Louis C.K. says something on a TV channel not named HBO or Showtime.