Barry Bonds

Does blogging burn calories? God, I hope so

There’s so many things to go over from this past weekend that my head is spinning. Or maybe it’s all the bacon-wrapped dates filled with manchego cheese I ate yesterday (thanks, Mom). Along with the copious amounts of ham I consumed during yesterday’s Easter lunch, I’d say over 70% of the calories I consumed yesterday came from pork products. Now THAT’S enough to make my head spin. Or my heart stop beating, I’m not really sure. Anyway, let’s talk about what’s been going on lately while I nurse my food hangover…

–Through the magic of Tivo, I just read the entire scrabble board from that ESPN commercial where Shaq lays down “SHAQTASTIC” and found these words: SHAQESQUE, SHAQZILSA, SHAQATTACK, SHAQALICI and SHAQFU. For once Stuart Scott was right — that is a lot of Q’s.

–Make fun of me if you want for using my Tivo to find useless information, but some people are using their DVR’s to catch Barry Zito blowing the largest snot-rocket in Giants history. While his fastball barely touched 85 mph against the Padres, his mucus actually hit 90 mph on the gun, so at least he’s got that going for him…which is nice.

–Forget the stats, forget the record, forget Tim Lincecum’s frighteningly slow start. The problem with the Giants is this: ever since Barry Bonds got the heave-ho, whenever the Giants put together more than one run in an inning it seems like a lucky accident.

–Not that there’s any reason to believe Lincecum’s hurt, but if he does feel a twinge in his elbow or shoulder one has to hope he won’t be stubborn and try to pitch through it. After all, Lincecum has been proving doubters wrong throughout his short career, people who’ve wondered how a pitcher so small can throw so hard with so little warm-up time and no ice afterwards.

–Does anyone else cringe when that black-and-white Comcast commercial comes on and Scott Reiss says, “The Bay Area may be the most underrated sports city in America,” or am I picking too many nits?

–OK, If that Comcast spot doesn’t bother you, go ahead and check out the Exxon/Mobil commercial starring “Former Tinkerer” Phil Mickelson. Watching him flash that smug grin in front of those kids about 16 times during the Masters made all his misses on short putts incredibly satisfying.

–Besides those four or five Argentines jumping up and down, that had to be the most subdued crowd response to a Sudden-Death Masters victory of all time when Angel Cabrera tapped in for par. Whenever Americans get all snooty about how the French treat Lance Armstrong, remember how we react when foreigners excel in individual events on our soil. There’s a reason why men’s tennis has lost so much popularity in the United States over the past five years, or why nobody gave a rat’s ass about golf in 2008 after Tiger’s knee surgery.

–As punchless as the Giants have been since Opening Day, it shouldn’t go unnoticed that the A’s have only hit 1 homer all season.

–How bad has it been for the Athletics? They’re On-Base Percentage as a team (.325) is higher than their Slugging Percentage (.310). Anyone else want to bring back BALCO?

–On that note, isn’t it somewhat amazing that after one week the Giants and the A’s seem almost exactly as good/bad as they were last year? It’s like the sporting Gods are trying to force all of us in the “most underrated sports city” to start caring about hockey.

–Apparently that whole Matt Stafford/49ers feud regarding questions about his parents’ divorce at the NFL Combine were totally overblown. Stafford’s visiting the 49ers’ facility in Santa Clara tomorrow, according to Matt Maiocco. With nine picks coming up in the 2009 NFL Draft, could the 49ers possibly be thinking of trading up to get Stafford? Probably not, but if Stafford slips to No. 10 the Niners would have to take him. Mark Sanchez? Not so much.

–This morning we heard some more sad news in what has to be the most depressing first week baseball fans have ever witnessed, as Philadelphia Phillies Harry Kalas has passed away at 73. I don’t know what was better, hearing Kalas say “J-Roll, Jimmy Rollins” or listening to his distinctive voice as he narrated Inside the NFL. I don’t know what else to say, except that even during what looks like another subpar Giants season, we have to appreciate the chance to Jon Miller, Mike Krukow, Duane Kuiper and Dave Flemming on a daily basis. For a generation of Phillies fans, baseball on the radio will never be the same.

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