Buster Posey

Dogs have no manners

We’re dog-sitting this week for our nextdoor neighbor. Usually it’s no big deal. We take the dog out in the morning and after work, have her stay at our place in the evening and play with our dog, make sure she doesn’t starve to death. No biggie.

This morning I experienced the worst-case scenario of dog-sitting, and my lovely fiance is very lucky that she isn’t working from home today like I am (and I’m not talking about watching the most boring Giants game of the year). I had an MRI to find out just how bad my back problems really are, and when I went to our neighbor’s place to grab her dog and take her to Alamo Square park (a multiple-acre dog toilet with some of the best views in the city), I smelled it.

Dog shit.

Not just dog shit, but runny, offensive, nose-burning dog shit. So I was late to my MRI having to get all this runny dog feces out of our neighbor’s rug, which was about as easy as cleaning peanut butter out of shag carpet. Then, after my MRI I came home where I’ve been working/watching the Giants game all afternoon, with our dog and the neighbor’s dog sleeping on the couch. Then the neighbor dog trotted off out of sight, where I assumed she was wandering around like usual.

Then I smelled it. Again.

Not just more dog shit, but runnier, worse smelling dog shit than before. It was like she had spent all day eating rancid vulture carcasses and $5 footlongs from Subway. This time it was all over our bathmat of course — not on the linoleum where it would have been infinitely easier to clean up. You ever have a friend who came over and wrecked your bathroom after a 15-minute growler? Well, this was an apartment-ruiner. After yelling at the dog, banishing her back to our neighbor’s place and cleaning up the doggy-butt-mud, I turned on the ceiling fan in the living room and it took over a half hour for the stench to leave. Or maybe I just got used to it. I guess I’ll find out when my fiance gets home.

This whole thing brings about a question I’ve wrestled with for years: why must dogs always crap on rugs or carpets? What, are their paws too damn fragile to poop on a cold surface? Do they think that rugs aren’t rugs at all, but just “inside grass”? Dogs are dumb.

Speaking of things that stink…

– At least I didn’t do what I was tempted to do and go out to AT&T Park and try to get a ticket. Sellout crowd and the Giants play their most boring, lifeless game of the year. I was even planning to be one of those douches who brings their laptop to the park because I’m supposed to be working from home. That’s the terrible thing about instant messenger: there’s always a way to catch you when you aren’t actually working from home.

– Although Mike Krukow did say that Anibal Sanchez “has been between the knees of his catcher all day.” That was definitely today’s highlight.

– Madison Bumgarner, you deserved better. Not much better, but better than the one bloop single Pablo Sandoval provided today.

– Underwent my second career MRI today, and it wasn’t nearly as bad as the first one ten years ago for a knee injury, when I felt like I was trapped in a coffin and almost had a heart attack. This time I did the smart thing and kept my eyes closed the entire time.

– The sounds during an MRI are so weird. So many metallic buzzes and other assorted noises; it’s like a trance DJ’s dream. And they really should warn you that there’s going to be a technician breaking in every five minutes with an update that’s piped into some speaker within the machine. It’s like the sound of God, only God’s speaking to you through a subway intercom speaker.

– Makes you wonder how the people on spaceships in sci-fi movies like the Alien series are so happy to climb into those little sleeping tubes where they’re frozen for centuries as they hurtle through space. I’m usually not claustrophobic or anything like that, but people aren’t meant to feel like sardines (unless they’re flying United).

– Scott Podsednik’s a Dodger, Miguel Tejada’s a Padre, and the Giants just got shut out today. Are you ready for the Adam Dunn era? (Don’t worry, it’ll be pretty short — about 2-3 months.)

– And yes, I’m going to keep believing every trade rumor until Saturday. Isn’t that the only fun part about having a trade deadline, taking every Ken Rosenthal or Joel Sherman tweet as the gospel? Pretty funny, because in real life I probably wouldn’t trust Rosenthal to tell me what the weather’s like with any degree of accuracy.

– Grant from McCovey Chronicles made a good point the other day: what does scouting a player on another team you’re thinking of trading for accomplish that looking at years of stats can’t? However, I think this series against the Marlins was an example of the Giants scouting Dan Uggla.

– Giants’ scouting report on Uggla after the series: Powerful right-handed hitter; plays second base; adept at hitting belt-high pitches across the middle of the plate. Although maybe we should make sure on that last point by throwing him a couple more…

– Rich Aurilia after the game: “I think there’s great things ahead for Buster.” Honestly, the prerequisites for being an ex-Giant broadcaster should be more stringent than simply being white and possessing a full head of hair. I love Richie, but the next interesting comment he makes will be his first. Man, I’m in a shitty mood right now. And now you know why.

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