Billy Beane

Get your stroller out of my way

Back after a videogame tour of California, and boy are my thumbs tired. They’re tired from playing videogames, not repeatedly hitting the space bar, or thumb wrestling. Let’s just move on.

I interviewed Dustin Pedroia for MLB 09: The Show in San Diego yesterday, and just finished interviewing Billy Beane for a game for even bigger baseball nerds than ones that play The Show, a new game called Front Office Manager. I found out that Pedroia is a Niners fan and Beane “Prefers the term ‘lease’ to ‘renting’ players.”

I’ll have full reports on interviews I conducted with both Pedroia and Beane in the next couple days, but for now I have a rant that all parents will probably hate me for but still has to be said. It’s about strollers. I don’t know if this is a recent phenomenon or if it’s just getting easier and easier to annoy me as I get older, but people need to stop acting as if their stroller is an SUV and I’m like a moped.

When I go running in Golden Gate Park, I can be running towards someone (man or woman, mind you … all parents think strollers give them carte blanch to act like human steamrollers) and they’ll move toward me in order to force me off the sidewalk.

Fair enough. Maybe they’re just afraid I’m running so fast I could somehow slide out of control and barrel into their stroller, sending their kid flying into the street. Then a MUNI bus will run over the kid, back up, and run back over it again before one of those giant SF hawks comes and picks up the child and flies away, taking it to the woods to share it with that weird guy who’s always in the park playing the didgeridoo.

Could happen.

Try going to an amusement park, like, I don’t know, Disneyland. Not only do parents run over your feet and actually bump the stroller’s front wheels into your heels on purpose to get you to move, but strollers are used to push six-year-olds. That’s right, six-year-olds! We actually saw two parents each pushing their first-graders, both of the little buggers slurping off of giant soft-serve ice cream cones, while the parents shared the Disneyland experience with each other. First of all, Disneyland is for kids. If you attend Disneyland without them, enjoy the rides and get drunk at California Adventure, if that’s your preference. If you’re there with your kids, maybe you should get them to enjoy some stuff that you can’t at Sizzler (although soft-serve is delicious).

Hey, I know every parent needs a stroller or two, and I whenever I have kids I’ll surely buy a jogging stroller instead of a treadmill. I’m just asking that parents don’t use them as battering rams or reclining wheelchairs for their little chubsters who are far too old (and fat) to live life getting rolled around like an invalid.

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