This last weekend was one of my best friend’s wedding and I was one of her maids of honor. Beyond my typical maid of honor duties (providing sparkling wine, getting mani-pedis, interviewing strippers for the bachelorette) I was responsible for giving a toast at the wedding.
Anyone who knows me, knows that I’m a girly girl. I like pink, dressing up for “theme” parties, watching Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice and am deathly afraid of most bugs. My friend who got married, Larissa, is the same. And I’m guessing that she expected a toast full of girliness, romance and love. Which I would have loved to do except I was writing my toast while Game 5 of the NBA Finals was on – and it started distracting me from my usually girly and romantic thoughts.
Living with BASG means sports are on most of the time. He’ll try to argue with you that we don’t actually watch all that much sports and that he’s had to sit through his fair share of what he refers to as “those awful cake decorating shows”. Which is true – but we Tivo those and only watch them if there are no other sports-related shows on TV.
I’d like to say that the sports have not gotten to me. That I’m completely immune — girliness intact. However, it appears that this is not the case and that my brain is slowly being filled with sports knowledge and started seeping into my thoughts as I was writing the toast. This is what was going on in my head:
Girly SGL: Love, love, love
Sports Girl Liz: The groom likes the Sharks!
Girly SGL: So what!? Love, love, love!
Sports Girl Liz: San Jose Sharks!
Girly SGL: Fine, but you have to mention Ryan Seacrest at least once in the toast.
Sports Girl Liz: Fine!
With sports and girliness in mind – here’s my speech for Chad and Larissa’s wedding, written as a poem. Maybe one day I’ll manage to get some of my femininity back. For now I’m just going to have to settle for having some good sports knowledge.
Here’s to Chad and Larissa on their wedding day
It’s time to celebrate without delay
These two have shared 6 years of friendship, love and life
It’s not surprising that Chad had been waiting for the perfect moment to ask Larissa to be his wife
That perfect moment was to be shared with his other passion, love and dream
The San Jose Sharks professional hockey team
The night of the proposal had been set to be right after the Sharks’ first Stanley Cup win
Sadly, 5 1/2 years went by and the Sharks fell short again and again
The ring was ready with the loving inscription, “You+Me+Sharks=Hockey Hot!”
But without the big win, Chad and Larissa could not tie the knot
Larissa decided to call in expert mediators to do their best
American Idol’s Simon Cowell and Ryan Seacrest
“Chad darling!” Simon exclaimed
“The Sharks are not the ones to be blamed”
“There is something wrong, some missing links”
“And I think, perhaps, I have a solution to solve the Sharks’ Stanley Cup jinx”
“Marry Larissa on June 20th, 2009”
“And the Sharks will prove to be fine”
Chad took Simon’s advice
And asked Larissa to be his wife
So here’s to the newlyweds, the Sharks and their new start
I’ll end this toast with Frankie Valli’s words from the heart
This song is perfect for Chad and Larissa in every way
Keep it in mind as you live and love each other every day
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I’m alive
You’re just too good to be true
Can’t take my eyes off of you