When I watch two bottom-dwelling teams play each other, I ironically feel hopeful. It’s like when you see two really “unfortunate” people together and you think “Aw, I’m glad they found each other. That’s nice.”

Welcome to the Padres vs. Giants game, July 12, 2013.

Yesterday we moved one notch up from #RockBottom. Last night, I could see the wheels starting to turn but honestly still saw a lot of the flaws that sent the Giants plummeting to the bottom of the NL West to begin with. Runner’s left on base, all sorts of silly looking strike outs, you know, the works. I was still nervous that we were only winning Madison Bumgarner-endorsed games and we would go back to “suckfest USA dot com backslash blerg”.

I’m extremely happy to have been proven very wrong tonight. The Giants offense came out swinging (pun very much intended) to the point where I began fretting that they would use it all up and not have any left for the rest of the series. (this is a legitimate concern, okay?)

There are so many guys who had a great game tonight that it might be wiser to leave the stats and box score details in the “Stolen Gamer Babes” below (Yeah, I really don’t care if it make sense). Let’s instead talk about how we won two games. Oh my god. We won two games. I’m confused. Now what? Do we get a free frozen yogurt after 10 of these? In fact, I made this punch card for you guys – after we win ten, redeem with #BASG and we will give you ONE FREE GIF:

Frequent Win Card

In any case, if the Giants were diagnosed with a terminal illness, the Padres seemed to be the miracle cure. As I mentioned during the game, I feel like the Giants got a taste of what it was like to play the Giants in that:

  • They had a shaky outing from their starting pitcher 
  • They had errors for days
  • The human umpires making calls that didn’t go their way
  • Bud Black got tossed, much like Bruce Bochy often does
  • The offense was on assignment
  • General suckiness

Stolen Gamer Babes (The more I write it, the more it makes total sense) 

- I literally cannot see Chad Gaudin do ANYTHING without thinking about gurneys and lewdness. Is there a support group for this yet? 

- Despite the above, Gaudin pitched very well tonight: 5 IP, 3 H, 4 walks, and 5 strike outs.

- Gregor “Sharknado” Blanco had a nice night with 1 hit and 2 walks. A leadoff hitter gets on base, imagine that.

- Kensuke Tanaka continues to be an amazing story and shot of energy to this club. He went 2-for-3 with a walk. Most impressively, he was able to MacGyver his way out of a rundown – take a look at the wizardry:

Derp!

Oh, the Pablo and Tanaka bow is getting cuter by the game.

- Posey is amazing. Like amazing. As per Hank Schulman, Buster Posey picked up 5 RBIs tonight, the 3rd time in his career. We are so blessed to have this man on our team.

- Pence went 1-for-6 but had his 14th stolen base of the year. He’s 14-for-14.

- Brandon Crawford! He’s back ladies and… ladies. He went 3-for-4 and despite a weird moment with Tim Timmons trying to catch a pop-up, he kept a cool head:

This isn’t awkward at all.

- Jose Mijares was unbelievable. After Chad Gaudin loaded the bases in the 6th, Mijares got Yonder Alonso to pop out and struck out Gyorko and Denorfia to end the inning with no damage done. Atta babe.

-Apropos of nothing, here’s a link to a GIF of Jean Machi’s first at-bat, and here’s one of him pretending he knows what’s he’s doing.

- From the Enemy Camp: As reported by Dylan Hernandez of the Dodgers’ beat, Yasiel Puig was pulled from the game tonight for precautionary reasons related to his left hip. I guess there was some residual discomfort from his multiple wall crashes. I will not comment on this. I. Will. Not.

- Oh yeah. Dodgers lost.

- The Giants are now 2-0 after the airing of Sharknado #JustSayin #Relevant

- Oh and here’s a tweet that people seemed to enjoy, courtesy of a pretty hilarious snafu by KTVU:

Ho Lee Fuk

- Last but not least, I love this moment between Crawford and Noonan: