Lineups. If you follow @LOLKNBRCallers or listen to sports talk radio, you know it’s a topic of endless debate. Hosts must deftly weave in and out of suggested lineup changes the way Hank Schulman weaves around bicyclists in traffic. Unless of course you’re Gary Radnich or Larry Krueger — in which case you dive headlong into the weirdness.
On Monday, one particular caller of the Gary and Larry Show had a doozy of a suggestion. In essence, the caller wanted Brian Sabean to swap rosters with the Fresno Grizzilies. This perhaps strikes you as outlandish, I know. But it only gets
outlandisher weirder. The caller then proceeded to provide a template for how this exchange ought to take place. The plan, as best as I can recall it, required Sabean to first rent a van. Then, he was to drive said van up to the Giants’ clubhouse while dressed as Billy Beane. Once to the clubhouse, he would herd players (not named Buster Posey or Madison Bumgarner, of course) into the van. And then he’d drive the team to Fresno where they can “think about what they’ve done.”
This particular suggestion, while it would make for some great reality TV, is so far outside the bounds of rational thinking it’s been endorsed by the Tea Party (/rimshot). Gary and Larry — as only they could — used the suggestion as a platform to discuss whether or not Sabean would like the movie of his life made, or something to that effect. Anyways, this whole thing got me thinking: What the hell is wrong with people?
I was reminded today (thanks, Twitter) that often our expectation for reality are set by the virtual worlds we create. Sometimes these worlds represent reality in an alarmingly poignant way (Think: The Sims). But more often than not, these worlds reflect reality with as much accuracy as you might expect while walking through a Fun House. This speaks directly to the problem: You’re walking through the Fun House.
Listen, this isn’t the Santa Cruz Beach Board walk nor is it an Orson Welles’ film.
As evidence of this, the trade deadline has passed (so it goes), and the Giants only move was to rekindle the Pill/Belt whosy-whatsy. Which is to say, the Giants lineup probably won’t change anymore than the size of Brandon Belt’s pants.
But that shouldn’t stop you from hoping, nor deter you from artfully wheeling and dealing on MLB 13: The Show. If you want to trade Pablo Sandoval, Tim Lincecum, Hunter Pence, Brandon Belt, and Kurt Manwaring for Giancarlo Stanton, knock yourself out.
Now, if you really want a challenge. I’m mean, if you really want to put those GM skills to the test, try to make over one of these San Francisco rosters:
3. Bad News Baseball (1990, Nintendo Entertainment System)
This roster certainly is not without power. The bright spot obviously is Edward — especially given that last season he seemed lost at the plate. Once we stopped that time share with Ted, he really came into his own. The problem here is pitching depth. If we can move Steve for another quality starter maybe we can resurrect this season. Also, can we talk about the Mendoza Line for Don? At what point does Carl get a shot at regular playing time?
2. Roger Clemens MVP Baseball (1991, Nintendo Entertainment System)
The ’91 Quakes have one of my all-time favorite rosters. I mean, I grew up idolizing Will and Kevins. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big Mattson fan, too, but I don’t think his .ISO is enough to warrant his position on the team. Yeah, if there were a DH spot, I’d take Mattson in a heartbeat, but his defense is too big a liability. The pitching staff is solid. Jurkett and Brantler are having career seasons and Rickshel, if he would drop a few pounds, could easily reclaim his old form. What this team needs is some depth on the bench. Gitton and Rodgers are simply not getting it done.
1. Ken Griffey, Jr. Presents Major League Baseball (1994, Super Nintendo Entertainment System)
This team is already pretty set as is. The bench is deep, especially with guy like C. JoJo and J. Tatlock. And the roster is nice mix of veterans and youth — S. Ruddy will be an absolute asset come playoff time, though I realize he hasn’t been performing as well some envision JoJo being capable of with similar playing time. M. Danglish is an absolute beast on the mound, and I think the Giants will be able to ride him deep into the playoffs. Let’s not forget about S. Pickford:
The more popular of the Pickford brothers, S is a young five-tool player that should easily lead the Giants to a handful of championships. Still, with rumors of his using performance enhancing drugs, I might be willing to trade him if the price were right (H/T @WrightScribe for these screenshots).