With Bobby Abreu signing with the Angels and Adam Dunn taking a two-year deal with the Nats, it looks like all the free agent sluggers have a place to play during the 2009 MLB season.

Wait, I’m getting an update. Actually, there’s still a big hitter on the market. How big? This guy’s even written his own song in hopes of getting the San Francisco Giants to pull just the trigger already and give him the money he so richly deserves (in last year’s market, anyway).

His name? Manny Ramirez, and here’s his brand new song, which is actually a lyrical remix of the Notorious B.I.G.’s “Hypnotize.” Sure, Manny’s a little late since “Notorious” opened in theaters about a month ago, but to be fair Ramirez believes all the baseball teams are late themselves in giving him a fat multiyear contract.

Manny’s version is similar to Biggie’s, except there’s more about how he doesn’t like playing for Joe Torre. Oddly enough, there  are about the same number of lyrics regarding weed. And it’s safe to say that Scott Boras is currently the Puff Daddy to Manny’s Biggie.

Here’s the “Hypnotize” instrumental, so play the beat and sing along, because let’s face it. If the Dodgers sign Manny there won’t be much to sing about at Mays Field this season when Timmy isn’t pitching.

“Hypnotize,” by Manny Ramirez

Hah, sicker with the average Manny
Hit pitches off instinct NL West pitchers stink
Baggy pants, all my Giants fans
Pierre for the Hooligans in Laguna
Dead right, if the money right, Manny there every night
Manny been swell since days of Albert Belle
Never yell, never sell out, well sometimes
If Giants want my bat it takes a goldmine
Sabes on the line, trying to woo us, screw us,
Who us? Yeah, Manny and Scott
Close for about six months, cause I’m clutch
Sabes’ll pay me twice the deal they gave Zeets
Bang every lefty easily, busily
Recently Sabes fronting ain’t saying nothing
So I just take B.P., smoke my leaves
Man I really hate Torre, so boring
Dreadlocks, jealous Joe want it, that old dude be baldin’
That bong that Phelps hit, I own it

(Chorus)

Manny Manny Manny can’t you see
Sometimes your hits just hypnotize me

And I just love your Manny ways
Guess that’s why they broke, and you’ll be paid

Manny Manny Manny can’t you see
Sometimes your dreads just hypnotize me
And I just love your Manny ways
Guess that’s why they broke, and you’ll be paid

The fans in Cleveland, I leave, they crying
I went to Boston, I get them two rings
Those Dodger foes, don’t want to see me go
If Duke Neukom gives me loot I’ll call him pookie
Now who’s the real dookie, meaning who’ll pay me a grip
Ned Colletti plays tricks, Man-Ram want the six
Year contract, plus option, hundo and a half
Million dollars on the deal if you want my bat
Don’t ask, pay first, ask questions last
That’s what happens when you deal with Scott Boras
At last, a hitter rappin’ about runs and walks
Strikes and balls, a few days off, jets and expensive cars
After Giants make the payment
Dreadlocks legal, my bank statement
In my arrangement, is far from basic
More O’s in my account than a hundred Aikmans
Face it, your lineup, is how I stay filthy
Richer than Richie, if the Giants wanna get me

(Chorus)

Manny Manny Manny can’t you see
Sometimes your hits just hypnotize me
And I just love your Manny ways
Guess that’s why they broke and you’ll be paid

Manny Manny Manny can’t you see
Sometimes your dreads just hypnotize me
And I just love your Manny ways
Guess that’s why they broke and you’ll be paid

I can give the Giants some actual hits
Pitch fast or slow, line drives go, four sixty, swiftly
Bonds’ record? Here’s a new one
The Giants need runs, oh, the Giants need runs
I know you sick of this name brand hitter with
Dreads Sabes say he’s sweet like licorice
So get with this hitter, it’s easy
Neukom here’s a pen, call Boras best friend
Come through, stop all this silly flirtin’
I need a job, this economy’s hurtin’
For certain, Manny freakin’, not speaking
Wonder why Boras don’t call me no more
Tell them Scott, if Giants want me show me
The City needs a star like Kobe, Damon Bruce, not Romey
I don’t want to play with Loney, his shower way too foamy
Where Boras, I need a loany, homey…Homey?

(Chorus)

Manny Manny Manny can’t you see
Sometimes your hits just hypnotize me
And I just love your Manny ways
Guess that’s why they broke, and you’ll be paid

Manny Manny Manny can’t you see
Sometimes your dreads just hypnotize me
And I just love your Manny ways
Guess that’s why they broke, and you’ll be paid