Welcome back for the exciting conclusion of our 49ers season review!

In parts one and two of the series, we analyzed the abject failure which came to define the 2013 San Francisco 49ers from every possible angle. Niners fans kept up a long tradition of calling KNBR to rage against imperfection.

See what I mean?

But not every caller fits the Salty Balty mold. Contrary to popular belief, most of the people who call KNBR are semi well-adjusted members of society, who just happen to have awe-inspiringly bad sports takes (and enough free time to wait on on hold for hours to share them). So far in this series, the passionate crazies have been getting all the headlines, but what about the not-so-passionate crazies?? What about Todd in Morgan Hill? Why isn’t Brad in Fairfield getting the love? Who’s waiting patiently by their radio hoping to hear Jeff in Orinda?

happy phone man

“Hi, Murph & Mac! This is Jeff in Orinda. Thanks for taking my call. I’d like to engage briefly in jocular banter with you, then share my ridiculous sports opinion!”

I’ll tell you who’s paying attention to you, Jeff in Orinda. I am! It’s your time to shine, Jeff!

In this third and final installment, we shake loose of the crippling negativity and shine the spotlight on the lighter side of KNBR callers.

TO THE TWEETS!

***

LOLKNBR Insiders

You know this person. It could be your dad, or your sister. It could be an old college roommate you talk to once a year, or the Bros a couple stools down from you at the bar. As sports fans, we all have a guy or a gal in our lives who’s never satisfied just telling you how crappy their favorite team is doing. No, that’s not good enough. This person must tell you how they would fix all of their favorite team’s problems.

You see, they watch sports. Like, a lot. This person may have even played sports at some point. They know the game. They see things. Things most professionals getting paid millions of dollars don’t even see.

And they love to call KNBR…

C’mon, people! It’s not a difficult concept. Meet. Together. In a meeting.

Couldn’t agree more. This is football. Sometimes you simply have to go with the hot hand.

Well, derrrrr … This caller has Professional Football Scout written all over him.
HIRE THIS MAN RIGHT NOW, BAALKE.

Mind. Blown.

mind blown gif

For some of these callers it’s not enough to just be revolutionizing the game. They’ve got their fingers on the pulse of every part of the organization.

It’s like these KNBR callers are inside the building!

Eat your heart out, Adam Schefter!

Let me tell ya something, KNBR callers just know coaching.

The level of detail in this caller’s analysis is just … wow.

Wait, wait, let me get a pencil. I want to write this down.

First, you run the ball.
Then, you keep playing the game the way you need to.
And finally, you throw the ball.

This is brilliant. No, seriously. I think the 49ers can win with this offense next year. It’s like a modified version of the West Coast offense, just slightly less complicated. Let’s call it the LOLKNBR Offense.

***

Random Acts of Lunacy

Some of the things callers say defy all conventional means of categorization. Sometimes their thoughts are so random, it stuns the listener into silence.  In this case, I’m just going to let the many faces of Jim Harbaugh (and friends) represent my commentary.

jh face 9

harbaugh

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harbaugh face 2

harbaugh face 4

h face 8

kap laughing

kap not smiling

tin foil hat

Harbaugh face 6

Photo by @44Stretchisbest

Photo by @44Stretchisbest

harbaugh face 1

jh face 12

jh face 13

jh face 14

Okay, that just about wraps up the 49ers season. But, wait! There’s more!

***
The Rest of the LULZ

These calls really had nothing to do with the 49ers, but they were funny as Hell, so I’m throwing them in at the end. Enjoy!

KNBR callers are so romantic…

There’s a lot going on here. Just gonna leave it alone and move on.

Some of you may not be aware, but Salty in Clovis actually left Clovis sometime last year and moved to Sacramento. In October, Salty from Sac called the Gary Radnich Show (with larry krueger) and engaged in a frank, very personal discussion with Gary.

Like any skilled interviewer, Gary pressed Salty to reveal more to the audience.

/turns up radio, anticipating some important revelation about Salty Balty

Dammit.

The 2013 MLB playoffs didn’t have quite the same sizzle without the Giants, but that didn’t stop KNBR callers from breaking down the World Series matchup in their own special way.

The football season was intense. Emotions ran high. People said and did things they regretted later. Like this guy.

And this guy.

Okay, maybe Gary deserved it.

Bro. Did you even play football, bro?!

As usual, Sportsphone 680 with Ray Woodson provided the most amazing material throughout the football season.

Nope, nobody ever mentions that.

#Pray4RayWoodson

LOL KNBR STATZ

mmmkay … good to know, Leo.

LOL

jh face 13