Aaron Rowand

It’s official: we’re cursed

To paraphrase the Pet Shop Boys, “What did we…what did we…what did we do to deserve this?”

After today, I think I’m going to change the name of this website to “Guy”. I’m pretty much over Bay Area sports right now.

Since starting the site at the beginning of 2008, I’ve been totally hamstrung by the pathetic performance of the teams I write about every day. Sure, the site’s doing well, but nobody wants to read about losing teams (or the Sharks, although to be fair it’s not like I’ve ever put that statement to the test), but I’ve tried to swim upstream as hard as I possibly could.

The 2009 Giants have given us all as much hope as an offense-free team possibly could, and now that’s over. Pablo Sandoval, who’s almost as overworked as he is overweight, is now hurt (or at least hurting). Bruce Bochy effectively wrote his own ticket out of town when he refused to have Aaron Rowand bunt in a tie game after a leadoff double from Ryan Garko in the ninth, although that isn’t necessarily a bad thing (Bochy getting fired, not Rowand’s strikeout). The bullpen, once thought to be one of this team’s strengths, is suddenly no better than last year’s bunch.

It’ll be a long plane flight home for the Giants after their loss tonight after surrendering a 4-1 14th inning lead in the most gruesome way possible, but nowhere near as dreary as life has been for us over the past five years. When does it end? Do the Giants need to get a bunch of uber-Christians like the Rockies have to convince God to shine a little light on us? Will I go to hell for even suggesting that God cares one iota about how a bunch of millionaire athletes fare in an affluent area? Will anyone even show up to AT&T Park tomorrow to watch Matt Cain go against Dan Haren and the Arizona Diamondbacks, including the San Francisco Giants themselves?

As we all sit in shock and stare at our own stomachs like Ray Ratto does on “Chronicle Live” when he isn’t talking, it’s time to wonder why even put ourselves through this. All the bases loaded walks. All the incredibly awful at-bats. All the futility, all the pain, all the despair.

The Rockies and the Dodgers have officially been given carte blanche to stop worrying about the Giants, and all it took was the handiwork of Brandon Medders, Justin Miller (can we just trade him to “L.A. Ink” for some t-shirts or something?) and Merkin Valdez.

So let’s turn our attention to the football teams. Can’t be worse, right?

Well, unless you think it’s a tad worrisome that one of the two local head coaches will probably be convicted of felony battery, and the other was forced to name Shaun “no chin” Hill as the permanent starting quarterback just hours before the worst Giants collapse since a certain game in 2002 none of us want to relive.

Can’t we just fast-forward a year or two, to a time when Nate Davis is ready and able to play quarterback full-time? Lost in the Glen Coffee euphoria from Saturday’s preseason win over Oakland (Scot McCloughan sure can pick running backs in the middle rounds, can’t he?) was the fact that Davis was the only professional-looking signal caller on the roster.

Davis made plays, he threw spirals, and didn’t look like a frightened mouse trying to evade an owl in the middle of the night (I’m looking at you, Alex Smith). Sure, he was going against the Raiders’ second-string defense, but Hill won the job due to his performance against second-string defenses last season along with the general incompetence of the only No. 1 overall pick the 49ers have ever had in most of our lifetimes.

That’s the way it is for garbage teams. And trust me, the 49ers aren’t good…the only thing they do well is run the ball. That’s it. They can’t throw, their defense is the definition of mediocre, and things won’t be getting better anytime soon. But hey, like the Giants, they have some young talent that should take them somewhere someday. Davis, Coffee and Josh Morgan (and hopefully Michael Crabtree, if they can ever sign him) could be the cornerstones of a great offense in three or four years. Or not.

The Giants’ great young pitchers, along with Sandoval and some sort of combination of Nate Schierholtz (who was awful at the plate tonight), Eugenio Velez (who wasn’t), Buster Posey, Angel Villalona, Thomas Neal and Roger Kieschnick, show the same sort of promise. But we’re tired of waiting. I’m tired of waiting. I’ll keep on writing, but expect some more national stuff for a while. I can’t keep writing about what’s going on in my backyard when my backyard is overrun with weeds, vermin and fail. I don’t know how a backyard can be filled with fail, but it is. Good night.

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