It’s time to play Jed York Press Conference Bingo

We’ve got about a half hour until the 49ers’ Tradition Unlike Any Other commences for the third straight year. That’s right, it’s time to watch Jed York address the media in a formal setting for the first time since he talked about the same stuff a year ago!

Stay tuned to see him …

  1. Vaguely explain why he fired people
  2. Deny any leaks to national reporters that obviously came from him
  3. Recite a few clever (in his own mind, anyway) reasons for us to believe that he’s learned from all of this and he’ll do whatever it takes to make the 49ers great again

To keep us entertained, we could play a drinking game. But it’s a little early on a Monday to consume mass quantities of alcohol (unless you’re Chip Kelly and you’re celebrating your massive payout and the chance to possibly join Bill Belichick’s staff for the playoffs and rehabilitate your image in a matter of weeks). And while we could play a drinking game using shots of espresso every time Jed says something predictably lame, that would lead to an army of people sprinting to Santa Clara and ripping the 49ers’ new(ish) stadium/office park apart, white steel girder by white steel girder.

Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. But I have a different idea. You know those Corporate Bullshit Bingo cards? The ones your coworkers like to print out before weekly meetings in the conference room? I created one that works for Jed York press conferences.

Update: I created another because some of my favorites were left off the first edition.

These press conferences, infuriating and patronizing as they are, also double as the highlight of the season ever since the Jed kicked Jim Harbaugh to the curb. Mutually, of course. So print one out and play! And if you feel like drinking, well, it’s tough to blame you. Just make sure you have the day off before you start downing Four Lokos with CSN Bay Area playing in the background.

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