Brett Favre

Just shoot me now

I’m watching ESPN as I write this, and Jeremy Schaap is reporting that sources say Brett Favre sent x-rays of his right shoulder to the Minnesota Vikings. If the shoulder doesn’t require major surgery, it looks like the Vikings will sign Brett Favre. So now we know it’s inevitable. Favre wants the chance to stick it to the Packers twice next season, and it looks like nothing will stop him from coming back as a Viking unless he has a torn rotator cuff or labrum.

I know we’re not supposed to root for injuries at any time (unless you’re in your fantasy league’s championship, then all bets are off), but God, I really hope Favre has more than just a minor bicep injury. According to any New York Jet willing to speak up, Favre is an awful teammate, a phony. Favre’s the original Manny Ramirez in that he’s been trying to avoid training camp for the past few seasons (no word on whether Favre is also fearful of growing “bitch tits,” like Man-Ram was).

Most of all, John Madden has retired. Brett, if there’s any time to hang them up, it’s when your biggest fan has left the broadcast booth to play bocce ball in Livermore with Steve Mariucci. But alas, we all know he’s coming back. What else is Favre going to do, be a color analyst? As Kissing Suzy Kolber has aptly demonstrated, the only way you can decipher what Favre is saying is if you’re actually a raccoon. That’s why Favre communicates with his favorite NFL reporters via text messages, so they won’t take his hillbilly mumblings out of context or misunderstand them completely. Favre will play for the Vikings next year, at least until his right shoulder gets slammed into the Metrodome turf. If Favre does get to face the Packers in 2009, all I can say is this: Go Aaron Rodgers.

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