By now, almost everyone who follows sports on the interwebz is familiar with POWER RANKINGS. Sports fans love to rank things. We rank everything; teams, players, coaches, owners, uniforms, mascots, broadcasters, Craig Sager’s horrific suits, you name it. As long as there are more than two of something, you can bet somebody will rank them.

But somewhere along the line, rankings lost their way and became so boring that we stopped paying as much attention to them. For years, we suffered through limp, feeble rankings until one day some genius in a lab coat figured out how to infuse raw energy into these rankings, thus creating POWER RANKINGS. Now all of the major sports sites have some poor doofus assigned to maintain POWER RANKINGS for everything. And as it turns out, I AM THAT DOOFUS for Bay Area Sports Guy dot com!

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The two most common questions I get on Twitter are 1) Who is your favorite/least favorite host? and 2) Why in God’s name do you willingly subject yourself to this much KNBR? Do you hate yourself?

Neither question is easy to answer in 140 characters. For a long time, I’ve wanted to write a weekly thing on BASG about KNBR hosts, but I couldn’t figure an angle. Then I realized this is a group of people just begging to be be POWER RANKED. Yesssss! Why not make a list of all the hosts, put them in order based on some loosey-goosey set of criteria, and watch the comments section explode! Excellent. Let’s do this!

[Note: As for question 2, my psychiatrist and I are working through some things and I’ll have to get back to you on that.]

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The Criteria

Other POWER RANKINGS rely on things like wins & losses, successes & failures, statistical measures, and other forms of fact-based “evidence.” They preach objectivity and professionalism and all that baloney. Well, not up in here! This is sports talk radio. These here POWER RANKINGS will focus on the intangibles it takes to climb to the top of the sports radio host mountain – PASSION! ENERGY! LIKEABILITY! The analysis will be subjective and the measures will be arbitrary, just as they should be!

Listenability – Is that even a word? Holy crap, it is! Er, I mean, of course it is. Most of the criteria on this list will be trumped by listenability. When it comes down to it, the true measure of a host is whether you tune in and listen.

Personality – Seriously, could I have chosen a more superficial list of criteria? This is about as subjective as it gets. Does the host make you laugh? Would you want to have a beer with him/her? Or do you feel the urge to break things whenever you turn hear their voice?

Knowledge – Not every host needs to be able to break down blocking schemes in the spread offense, but it helps if they can sound even moderately informed discussing more than one of the major sports.

Skill Set – How’s the voice? How do they interact with co-hosts? How do they handle callers? Do they conduct a good interview, or nah?

Intangibles – You can’t define intangibles. There are some things you just know. You know? No? Bah. Forget it. You’re hopeless.

Singing Voice – LOL just kidding. Sorry, Paulie Mac.

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And now for the inaugural KNBR HOST POWER RANKINGS!

Check ‘em out. Kick ‘em around. Take ‘em for a test drive, then tell us whether you agree or disagree in the comments section. I’ll be back in two weeks to re-calibrate and re-POWER RANK!

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Editor’s note: We know that while some of you might agree with this list, a lot of you won’t. So why not let your opinions give you a chance to win a 10-person pizza party from Amici’s East Coast Pizzeria? Let us know your rankings (or just your thoughts on LOL’s list, if you prefer), and you’ll be entered to win this week’s contest. Here are the other two contest posts you can enter this week for a chance to win, plus a note about the BIG contest Amici’s is running on their site:

Giants GIFtastic Roundup (Let us know your favorite)

Time to vent about the Giants (You complain, we hand out prizes)

Want to catch some September Baseball in the Big Apple?

AMICI’S DELIVERS!!!

Our hometown team travels to New York in September for a back-to-back six game series against the two New York teams. Enter below for your chance to win a TRIP FOR TWO to NYC for this historic series.

I love NYPrize also includes:

  • Roundtrip airfares SFO – NYC
  • 7 Nights at a top New York City hotel
  • Ground transportation allowance
  • Big League Meal Money ($99 per person per day)

We’ll be announcing the winner on BASG in a few weeks, so stay tuned. Oh, and there’s another contest post tomorrow for the 10-person pizza party (winner will be announced next week on that one).

You still have time to enter here, and we’ll be announcing the winner later this month on BASG.