Amare Stoudemire

NBA Draft Live Blog…sort of

Here’s the first annual BASG Live Blog (just click more and keep refreshing to read about how the Warriors screw this thing up:

4:53: Well, SGL and I decided to do a live blog on the NBA Draft, but we couldn’t figure out how to configure the plugin with only 15 minutes before draft time. So we’re left with the old fashioned way of just updating the same post every time something interesting happens…

4:54: James Harden just got drafted No. 3…first shock of the draft. If you’ve seen Harden play, anyway. He could best be described as “lethargic” during the NCAA Tournament. He also looks like he’s on his way to a meeting with Minister Farrakhan after the Draft with that beard and bow-tie he’s wearing.

4:57: And Rubio’s still waiting!!! Tyreke Evans goes to Sacto. Could the Warriors fall into Rubio? We are talking about Minnesota here. I can see them going with Jordan Hill and Stephen Curry right here. Right?

5:01: Text from my buddy Carp, “So when the players lounge seating section is all but empty, do you think the MSG staff will make taylor griffin and tyler hansbrough sit together?”

5:03: The T-Wolves’ first pick: Rubio. Well, it was nice while it lasted, Warriors fans. Too bad, I wanted to see the Spanish Harry Potter in Oakland.

5:08: Love the skin-color-based comparisons between Rubio and Pete Maravich, ESPN (and a whole bunch of other people). Didn’t Maravich average 44 ppg in college? I’d say Rubio’s a shorter Magic Johnson. No jump shot, not particularly fast (unless the ball’s in his hands and you’re a defender), not the best defender, but eyes in the back of his head.

5:10: Jonny Flynn goes No. 6 to the twolves…Fitz just said “shit!” under his breath. Stephen Curry, here we come!!!

5:13: ESPN just displayed a graphic reading that Flynn hasn’t grown since the eighth grade when he broke the growth plate in his ankle. Wouldn’t that just make one leg stop growing? Did they break the growth plate in the other ankle just to even things out?

5:14: Someone should tell ESPN that the Lakers sold their No. 29 pick to the Knicks hours ago.

5:15: Um, told you so. Jordan Hill? Please, it was Curry all along for the Warriors. Stephen Curry has got RAAAANNNGGGEEE!!!

5:21: And….the Knicks get Jordan Hill. He’s gotta feel great right now, after all the MSG fans wanted Curry.

5:24: Mark Jones finishes off the interview with Hill by saying something about his mom who passed away, and how “I’m sure she’s looking down on you right now.” Between Jones and Stuart Scott recently saying of Trevor Ariza’s younger brother, who died falling out of a hotel window, “Sometimes you win by winning championships and sometimes you win remembering the death of a loved one,” ESPN has got insensitive mourning down pat. Why do media people have carte blanche to talk about dead family members?

5:25: The Raptors take Demar DeRozan at No. 9, who I’m sure the Warriors would have taken if Curry was off the board.

5:32: Alright, I had a whole thing about the Curry pick and then it got deleted. Here are several questions: How does Monta feel about all this? Is Tim Kawakami writing a post right now describing how Monta Ellis will never play for the Warriors again…again? Is Charles Nelson-Riley working on a trade to get Monta out of town? With Curry, Morrow, Buike, Jack, Watson and Marco, will the Warriors break the NBA record for threes attempted? Since Stephen’s dad obviously knows the NBA, is he silently crying because his son went to one of the most dysfunctional franchises in basketball, or is he happy because Stephen will be allowed to shoot as much as he wants?

5:36: Brandon Jennings goes No. 10 to the Bucks. You know, this draft has gone pretty much according to plan so far. No trades, no crazy picks (like the Warriors taking Jordan Hill would have been, for instance), unless you count Harden going No. 3.

5:38: Terrence Williams goes to the Nets, who earlier today traded Vince Carter and the underrated Ryan Anderson for Rafer Alston, Tony Battie and Courtney Lee (who I love). Nice pickup for the Magic, who effectively told their fans today, “There’s no way in hell we’re re-signing Hedo Turkoglu” and “Stan does not feel bad at all about how Rafer was treated in the NBA Finals.”

5:43: Just went and re-watched Curry’s reaction to getting chosen by the Warriors, and he looked about as happy as a Miss America runner-up. It almost looked like Stern had to give him a pep talk at the podium. “Hey listen, if you do well enough, you’ll get out of that hell-hole. The good ones always do.”

5:45: Gerald Henderson No. 12 to Charlotte. Yawn. Couldn’t we at least get a cross-network cameo from Craig Sager, just so we can see an ugly suit? I had high hopes for this draft after all the pre-draft trades and the Harden pick (and the Harden outfit), but all these GM’s are just mailing it in.

5:50: Tyler Hansbrough goes to the Pacers, who are competing with the Jazz for “whitest team since the 1980’s Celtics.” The NY fans in MSG follow with an immediate chant of “OVERRATED”! I think he’s heard that one before. Jay Bilas says, “He is no fun to play against, he’s going to make your team better, he’s going to make your practices better.” In other words, he’d be wearing a foam finger, if he wasn’t already wearing a glove.

5:54: Ric Bucher says that the rumored trade is Amar’e Stoudemire for Biedrins, Marco Belinelli and Brandan Wright, but can’t be consummated until July 1.

5:56: Man, Brandon Jennings has some sack, doesn’t he? Calls Rubio overrated a week ago, then comes out to the stage 4 picks late, bling in ear, blowing kisses to the crowd. Stern gave him the patented, “We’re probably going to be talking in the future, and neither of us are going to like it” look.

5:58: Phoenix picked Earl Clark, who may end up going to the Warriors in a trade soon…

6:02: Just showed Jrue Holliday and Austin Daye in the green room. Daye just got picked by the Pistons. Someone’s going to get a steal in Holliday….or they could get a decent defensive point guard who can’t get into the lane or create his own shot. The more I think about it, anybody who thought Nellie would pick Holliday is insane.

6:04: And just to toot my own horn some more, here’s the original post where I said the Warriors would at least try to trade for Stoudemire, not Chris Bosh. If Tim Kawakami was in front of me right now, I would be giving him the “face” hand gesture right now. Even though Kawakami reported Stoudemire rumors in February, because since then he’s been all about Bosh (when he hasn’t been talking about Monta’s unhappiness). And yes, I know that my draft profile would read: “MUST IMPROVE: MATURITY LEVEL.”

6:06: Dickie V doing his patented, “College players who produce are way better to draft than guys with potential (freshman and Euros)” rant. Surprisingly, Vitale loves the Hansbrough and Curry picks. Can you imagine rooting for a team that has Mike Dunleavy, Troy Murphy, Tyler Hansbrough, Josh McRoberts, Travis Diener and Jeff Foster? I feel like I could make this team as a walk-on if I just grew four inches.

6:11: The Bulls just nabbed James Johnson, who I easily would have taken over Daye. Who would you rather have, the long, talented player from the ACC or skinny 3/4 tweener from the WCC? I’m going to do another cross-racial comparison here: Austin Daye = skinny Keith Van Horn. The Bulls are going to be GOOD next year.

6:13: Holliday goes to the 76ers! Beane traded Holliday to Philly for Andre Miller and four minor league pitchers from the Phillies! Just kidding. And, um, no more tears, Jrue. According to Bilas, Holliday needs maturity, just like me!…Maybe now the Sixers will trade Andre Miller to the Warriors! Err, maybe not.

6:19: Ty Lawson, who I think I just saw in that new Jack In The Box “Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich” commercial this morning, got picked by the Timberwolves. Dickie V. and Jay Bilas should be pleased. Timberwolves have acquired 3 tiny PG’s in this draft, but they’re going to trade Lawson to Denver for some picks or money or something. Jesus, does Roy Williams wear that same baby-blue tie every day?

6:24: I just thought of something: can you think of anybody else on the planet that Vitale hates more than Brandon Jennings? The only way you could make him hate you more than he hates the kid who chose Italy over the NCAA would be if you took Coach K’s name in vain.

6:27: The Utah Jazz take Eric Maynor from VCU. BASG’s best player on the board right now: Patty Mills. Second-best: Wayne Ellington.

6:33: Darren Collison goes to the Hornets to sit behind Chris Paul. Hmmm. Maybe it’s time for some Stoudemire talk.

6:36: You know what’s really funny? How much SGL hates those “The Most Interesting Man In The World” commercials. I’m wondering if all chicks hate them, or if it’s just a thing with her. I have to say though, now that he’s carrying foxes and keeping owls inside, I have to say I’m almost interested now. No homo.

6:39: Blazers get Victor Claver from Spain at No. 22, meaning their new gimmick is “Team Spain.” Dude facially kind of looks like Pau Gasol combined with Michael Phelps.

6:41: Shaq says he’d be prepared to go off the bench, “but I don’t see how that’s possible.” Right. I don’t think Coach James will allow that.

6:44: The Kings surround Tyreke Evans with….Omri Casspi. A jew in Sacramento? Oy vey! What, he couldn’t go to a nice place, like New York or Los Angeles? Miami Beach didn’t call?

6:57: Alright, my thoughts on the Stoudemire deal. For one, it was inevitable. The Warriors need to remake their team in a hurry, and Phoenix is less happy with Stoudemire’s personality than Boston is with Rajon Rondo’s.

So does this make sense for the Warriors? They’re losing Andris, who has a pretty bad contract and doesn’t play defense. Marco Belinelli, meh. Go find some manicotti in Phoenix, you whiner. Brandan Wright looked downright sad when I met him after a game this year, like Don Nelson stole his ferret. I don’t know if he has a ferret, but I wouldn’t be surprised. So I don’t think the Warriors are giving up too much, as nobody they gave up has the mentality to take over a game that doesn’t take place in the summer league.

If the Warriors get Stoudemire, it’s almost like they’re getting a new coach as well. Nellie has to be on pins and needles waiting for Stoudemire’s medicals to come back clean — the Warriors are going to score almost 120 per game next season. They’ll also give up around 122.4, but he’ll worry about that later.

Stoudemire’s gotta be incredibly happy, as Nellie won’t just look the other way when he misses defensive rotations, he’ll let Stoudemire fire away from behind the arc! Oh happy day for Amare (Amar’e?). Here’s the lineup if this trade goes down:

Monta/Jack/Buike/Randolph/Amar’e

Bench: Maggette, Turiaf, Morrow, Curry, Watson, Law, Davidson, Claxton (who might be finished)

You know what this trade means more than anything? Randolph is going to play 35 mpg at the 4. This team will have holes, with no true point guard and very little defense to speak of, but they will be super-athletic, they have guys who can shoot from anywhere. They’re going to be murderous at the Oracle if this trade goes down, and they’ll suck on the road. Sound familiar?

Oh, and Rodrigue Beaubois from Guadeloupe to the Thunder. Traded to Dallas. Whatever. Does anybody care what Mark Cuban does anymore?

6:59: Taj Gibson goes to the Bulls. Good pick. He’ll never play a minute next year behind Tyrus Thomas and Joakim Noah.

7:07: Looks like while I was on my Stoudemire kick the Mavs got B.J. Mullens, who must really suck to drop down this far, in this draft. Like lose a one-on-one game with a drunk Patrick O’Bryant or something. Demarre Carroll goes to the Grizzlies, who have a team full of third and fourth bananas. The Grizz have to be my early pick for worst team of next season.

7:08: Just so you know, we’re going until the end of the first round or when Patrick Mills gets drafted, whatever happens later. Maybe I’ll pop in if some crazy trade happens. BTW, Chad Ford wrote that the Warriors would be trading Biedrins, Wright and Curry to the Suns for Amar’e. I’d rather have Curry than Belinelli too if I were Kerr.

7:11: Stern walks out the podium with the crowd chanting, “David Stern! David Stern! David Stern!” Imagine that happening to Bud Selig. He’d probably start weeping.

7:13: Ellington goes to the Minnesota Timberwolves, which is a fantastic pick. He was the best NBA prospect on that North Carolina team.

7:14: Guess the Lakers are picking for the Knicks. My apologies, ESPN.

7:15: The Knicks fans go crazy in reaction to the announced trade of Q-Rich for Darko Milicic. Makes you wonder how much alcohol fans were allowed to bring into MSG.

7:16: The Lakerknicks take Toney Douglas, who the Lakers were rumored to be choosing by several outlets before this draft, even though he’s pretty much Shannon Brown (only he might be older than Brown).

7:20: Does anybody else wish the Celtics would trade up and pick DeJuan Blair here?

7:24: Christian Eyenga from Congo goes to the Cavs, meaning Patty Mills’ hopes of getting a guaranteed contract are over. That’s your first round folks! Adam Silver, Deputy Commissioner of the NBA, is going to announce the second round according to Stern, who looked fairly annoyed he had to wait a full minute for Eyenga to reach the stage from the cheap seats.

7:31: Omri Casspi (the Israeli that the Kings took) has to be stoked right now along with having a really distorted perception of the NBA right now. David Stern, the king of all kings, gets his name chanted like he’s Derek Jeter in 1996. Then Stern passes the MC duties to a guy named Adam Silver. Oh, ’tis good to be a jew in the NBA!!! I wonder if Jordan Farmar is jealous right now.

7:32: Trade!!! B.J. Mullens goes to Rodrigue Beaubois and a future second pick.

7:35: Trade!!! Jeff Pendergraph goes to the Blazers for Sergio Rodriguez and the 38th pick. Wow, the Blazers must have soured on Rodriguez more than I thought.

7:38: Silver announces the Darko trade, knowing he’ll light a fire under these drunk fans. Man, I love this turquoise wallpaper behind the stage. It’s always great when you can imagine something on a telecast looking dated while you’re watching it in real time. That stage setup is going to look pretty funny in 2019.

7:50: Ah, that was a nice dinner break. Thank you to SGL for making food and allowing me to sit around for…three and a half hours?!?!

7:52: Sam Young goes to Memphis, then his teammate DeJuan Blair goes to the Spurs. So my hoped-for Big Baby Blair combo didn’t happen. Too bad. Also, fantastic pick for San Antonio. They’ll make him as good as any team possibly could have, and he’s got skills. As long as he loses the weight, he’ll be like a rich man’s Udonis Haslem.

7:58: C’mon Pattyyyyyyyy….No. Jonas Jerebko. Nine picks into the second round, and Mills still hasn’t been chosen. I’m telling you, like Leon Powe, passing on Mills this late is a mistake. Of course, Powe just tore his knee up for the third time in his life, and Mills wasn’t exactly durable last year. I could be wrong.

8:01: Another trade. Jermaine Taylor to the Rockets for cash. The crowd goes wild. Bobcats get Derrick Brown from Xavier with pick no. 40. The crowd goes wild. Some guy in the crowd keeps yelling, “Let’s go Adam!” whenever Silver comes out to the podium. Yep, there’s been a ton of Bushmills consumed tonight. If you’re working at the closest White Castle to MSG right now, you might want to close early.

8:05: No. 41: Jodie Meeks from Kentucky. This is torture. Somebody pick Mills…please. I’m begging you. I can’t handle anymore Jay Bilas, who I’m sure is attached to the “Bilastron,” cousin to the “Nantzatron.” That guy just keeps talking and talking and it all just runs together….wrote the guy who’s been working on a live blog for close to four hours.

8:06: I’m getting a little delirious.

8:11: How long until these “mini” commercials from Jack In The Box become as ear-grating as “This is OUR Country”? A week? The lyrics aren’t as bad, but the ability for it to stick in your head is worse.

8:12: No. 42 and 43 are taken, and Chase Budinger and Mills still sit on the board. Dickie V. just said that Jonny Flynn and Ricky Rubio, playing together, will get a coach fired. I love his manufactured anger every draft and Selection Sunday.

8:15: The Pistons get Budinger. Mills is the best left on Bilas’ board (finally). Wow, he might as well go play professionally in Australia for a couple years. Nobody gives a crap about him in the NBA. Wouldn’t be surprised if he came off as too cocky for a 5’10” kid in interviews.

8:18: The Lakers pick up Patrick Beverley, who played ball in the Ukraine for a couple years. He’s a PG, so that means he’s insurance in case either Brown or Farmar don’t return. Nick Calathes goes No. 45 to Minnesota. I might have to ignore my “staying until Mills gets drafted” idea.

8:21: New Jay Bilas word: catchandshootability!

8:28: God, even Taylor Griffin gets drafted ahead of Mills. “The happiest guy right now is probably the No. 1 pick, Blake Griffin,” says Stuart Scott. Something tells me that was written beforehand.

8:44: Patrick Mills finally gets picked, by the Blazers at No. 55. I know the Blazers fans make up one of the biggest contingents in these here internetz, and they’re all going to love Patty (if he makes the team, anyway). I’m telling you, he’s got range. It’s just that when your best teammates are Diamon Simpson and the chubby Omar Samhan, the defense is going to key on you more than if you have teammates like Brandon Roy and LaMarcus Aldridge. Great situation for Mills, whose competition for point guard minutes is only going to come from Steve Blake and Jerryd Bayless, now that Sergio Rodriguez is in Sacramento. Alright kids, that’s it for me. More Stoudemire news tomorrow?

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