Adrian Peterson

NFL Picks: Time to hit Favre in the mouth

I told myself I gave up on the 2009 baseball season a few days ago, but it still killed me (and more of you than you’d like to admit) when Jeff Baker went yard off Brian Wilson to give him the dreaded loss/blown save double-play tonight. Season over. You want the fork? I have it. It’s going right into Freddy Sanchez’s knee.

Alright, back to the subject at hand: the NFL, and the 49ers and Raiders in particular. Oh, wait. The Raiders won’t be on TV. Again. Am I going to the Raiders game? No. Am I going to spend my Sunday afternoon listening to Greg Papa on the radio? No. The Raiders do not exist.

The 49ers do, and they have to prove themselves … on Sunday morning. On Sunday morning? Aw shit, yes … on Sunday morning. 10 am Pacific, 1 PM Eastern. Is Minneapolis even on the East Coast? Oh well, it’s time to shut up the gruesome twosome of  Jared Allen and Brett Favre, the two athletes most in need of a cock-punch in American sports today.

This is the biggest game for the 49ers since Terrell Owens wore braces. The Vikings are the wackest team since last year’s Cowboys, with the league’s two biggest d-nozzles on both sides of the ball and a running back who needs a good dose of humility served from Patrick Willis.

Am I crazy for thinking the 49ers are going to waltz into Minnesota and embarrass Favre, pancake Allen and tackle Peterson for a loss 6 times? Talk shit about the NFC West all you want, but beating Cleveland and Detroit sure got a lot of people excited, didn’t it?

The best thing is, there’s no pressure. If the 49ers lost, they’re 2-1 and coming off a loss to one of the supposed top teams of the NFC. If they win, they prove they’re a force to be reckoned with, and might actually face Rex Ryan’s New York Jets in the Super Bowl like Mike Singletary suggested-without-suggesting earlier today (thanks again to Mr. Maiocco):

When asked about Ryan’s comment, 49ers coach Mike Singletary responded. “I think it’s outstanding. I love that. That’s Rex Ryan. I love Rex Ryan, as well. Maybe at some point in time we will play. But right now, we’re thinking about Minnesota and we’ve got to get prepared for them. And, who knows? Maybe we’ll see Rex somewhere along the line.”

NFL Picks (Home team in CAPS)

Titans over JETS (-3): The Jets are getting overconfident, and the Titans are not the type of team that goes 0-3. Or are they? Man, this game drove me crazy, and this is the first one I’m picking. Thank God I’m not a compulsive gambler.

Packers (-6.5) over RAMS: Clearly everyone getting a hard-0n over the Packers’ defense was premature, but the Rams are truly awful. Only the Redskins could make the Rams look somewhat decent on the road, because the Redskins have been physically unable to beat a team by 10 points since 1988.

LIONS over Redskins (-6.5): The Redskins don’t like their coach, and they weren’t that good to begin with. The Lions’ march back to respectability starts here.

EAGLES over Chiefs: There’s no line in this game due to Donovan McNabb’s injury, so I’ll just count this line as a pick ’em. Eagles win.

Falcons over PATRIOTS (-4): Until this week, I was unaware Las Vegas odds makers were all from Boston.

TEXANS (-3.5) over Jaguars: I love how Torry Holt became football poison two years ago. Fantasy poison, too.

49ERS over Vikings (-6.5): If the 49ers lose, it will be Shaun Hill’s fault. For not throwing to Josh Morgan. For some reason I have faith in Jimmy Raye.

Browns over RAVENS (-13): The Ravens almost lost to the Chiefs in week one, the Browns are desperate and in teh same division. Doesn’t add up to a blowout, even though the Ravens are much, much better than the Browns.

Giants (-6.5) over Buccaneers: Name a good player on the Bucs.

BILLS over Saints (-6): I’ve pretty much decided I might as well keep picking against the Saints until I win one.

Bears (-2) over SEAHAWKS: Isn’t Seneca some sort of sports beverage?

Steelers (-4) over BENGALS: This game is toying with my emotions. I like the Steelers off a loss more than the Bengals off a win.

MIAMI over Chargers (-5.5): The Dolphins are scrappy, and they’re 0-2. They still may very well lose, but not by any more than 4.

RAIDERS over Broncos (-1.5): The Raiders are fun this year. That’s right, they’re still fun even if they can’t complete a pass to their Top-10 tight end if their lives depended on it.

Colts over CARDINALS (-2.5): If this game was one of the three Fox Sunday afternoon games, I’d pick the Cardinals. But Peyton has turned into absolute money on national television, whether it’s on or off the field.

COWBOYS (-8.5) over Panthers: Tony Dorsett ripped Tony Romo this week, and the Panthers look like they’re just about ready to give up on the John Fox era. It’s fitting that Fox and Jack Del Rio will get fired in the same season.

Last Week: 8-8

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