NFL

NFL Predictions: Jaguars at Patriots

Tom Brady has a huge pair of Sam Cassells.

I’m not talking about how he plays in the fourth quarter. Or how the last time we saw Brady he was following Randy Moss’s drop on a sure touchdown with a 50-yard laser to a streaking Moss on the next play.

Why do I keep remind myself that Randy Moss beat Jerry Rice’s (12 game) touchdown record on that play? Ugghh. I feel like I just ate a 5-hour-old Subway Sandwich.

Back to Brady’s huuuuge pair: when I first saw his Stetson commercial, I laughed like a member of the Will and Grace studio audience (check the tapes, nobody’s fake laughers were as loud as the ones for that show…oh man, did I just admit that I remember anything about Will and Grace? This blog is gonna kill me).

Why did I laugh at Brady’s new ad? Have you seen him scream into the air?

After tossing his cowboy hat off (yes, he did go to Serra High) while driving a convertible with a girl who isn’t Giselle Bundchen, he decides to race his muscle car against an already sprinting horse down a long dirt straightaway.

Now forget three Super Bowl wins, 50 touchdowns, or a correct interpretation of the Tuck Rule. You’ll never see a more unbridled expression of happiness on Tom’s face than when he drives against that horse.

You can feel the weight being lifted off his shoulders. He doesn’t need to listen to Belichick anymore. He’s his own man. So he screams again, and the girl in the passenger seat just eats…it…up.

That’s what it’s like to be Tom Brady right now. This is one of the most ridiculous commercials featuring an athlete since Oscar De La Hoya was called “Painfully Handsome,” and it’s been met by the country by a resounding “Hey, is that Tom Brady?” If Brady feels good enough about himself to let this commercial air before the season ends, there’s no way New England loses to the Jaguars in their first playoff game. You don’t film a tour de force like this and lose to David Garrard.

This is going to be the first playoff test for the Patriots. Even Patriot haters have to respect that the Pats are the first team since the Niner Dynasty to use games against fairly good teams (like Jacksonville) to send messages to the rest of the league.

Even Niner lovers have to admit that the main reason for the Patriots offense setting all these records is Mr. Stetson. Is he better than Joe Montana? That discussion will have to wait until after this season, and deserves its own space.

This weekend New England’s message will be directed toward the Colts, because the Patriots have been trying to rule on intimidation all year. I’m not sure if they’ll make the Colts tremble, but the Jags will be thoroughly shaken by halftime.

Prediction: New England 42, Jacksonville 14

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