Los Angeles Dodgers

Relax, it’s a long season

Aw man, the Dodgers are done. No Manny Ramirez, no offense. No offense, no home winning streak. Did you see how pathetic they were tonight? They only scored 6 runs in the first inning against the Washington Nationals. Losing Ramirez was a real death blow. A very lethal blow. Did you hear the Dodgers organization had to take down the MANNYWOOD signs in the bleachers? Oh, the horror. Those kids aren’t going to be happy wearing their little Manny wigs to DODGERTOWN! That’s like wearing Tevas to a Crocs convention!

At least Randy Wolf is a solid starting pitcher. He is, isn’t he? I mean, he has a Major League-sounding name, am I wrong? Randy Wolf. That sounds like a solid starter right?  Or a lead character in an ’80’s cop drama…either way, 1 earned run in 6 innings isn’t bad.

How about that Dodger bullpen? Were they affected by the loss of the their moral compass, the free spirited left fielder who was leading the Dodgers to the promised land? Hmmm? Hmmm?…Uh oh. Evidently Ramon Troncoso is disconsolate, so affected by Ramirez’s suspension that he gave up 3 ER in 2/3 of an inning, raising his ERA from 0.98 to 2.37. Cory Wade done got blowed up for 4 runs in his 2/3 of an inning, jacking up his ERA to 6.23. Gosh, I’m starting to think the Dodgers only have one legit reliever, the morbidly obese Jonathan Broxton. Heavens to Inglewood!

Wait, I’m confused. Somebody needs to explain this to me. Aren’t the Dodgers supposed to be offensively impotent without Man-Ram (who was either impotent himself, masking steroids or both)? What the hell are they doing scoring 6 runs in the first inning? Or collecting 14 hits in their first game without Mr. hCG? Or losing 11-9 to the worst team in baseball?

Oh that’s right, this is baseball. The Dodgers aren’t the 1927 Yankees, with or without the fake-dreaded one. They’re just a team that’s feasted off the NL West for a month. They weren’t going to run away from the rest of the National League West, regardless of what Peter Gammons mumbled to that woman feeding him tapioca pudding this morning. Just like Matt Holliday isn’t going to keep hitting under .250 all season, the Dodgers aren’t going to roll through this season as if they’re the USC Trojans football team and the rest of the National League is the Pac-10. They still have more offensive talent than the Giants and Diamondbacks combined, until the Giants and D-Backs start hitting. Or until Rafael Furcal hurts his back and MLB finds out Russell Martin is just a juiced up and botoxed Paul LoDuca. Anyway, everyone just needs to chill out and enjoy the game more…or something. I ain’t got the frickin’ foggiest.

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