I love a good romantic movie, especially romantic comedies. You know what you’re getting: lovey-dovey feelings in your heart, cheesy/obvious jokes, and some REALLY bad acting.

The Giants happen to have a team that is incredibly animated and that led me down a dark (yet candlelit) path — if the Giants were going to star in a romance movie, what would it be? I took the time to mock up some of the poster art that might go along with the movie so you can really visualize where I’m going with this.

WARNING: You cannot unsee any of the images below.

Wedding Crashers

Starring Matt Cain and Madison Bumgarner

Wedding Crashers Cain Bumgarner

I love the idea of buddy comedies that tie in a little bit of romance. I can’t say for certain, but I think friendly starting pitchers Matt Cain and Madison Bumgarner would be PERFECT for this role. From now on everyone should make MadBum’s “FFFffff” face whenever they crash a wedding.

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Silver Linings Playbook

Starring Ryan Vogelsong

SLP Vogelsong

No, I don’t think Ryan Vogelsong has OCD. I do think this is a perfect metaphor for the struggles he’s gone through and determination he shows. Sorry guys, I had to get real for a second. Only ridiculous comparisons from now on.

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The Notebook

Starring George Kontos

The Notebook Kontos

Let’s not pretend ladies don’t love George Kontos. That being said, I think he would make an excellent male lead in The Notebook because, well – the rain. Kissing. Romantic lines uttered. Definite MTV Movie Awards material.

 

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Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Starring Brandon Belt

Forgetting Sarah Marshall movie posterDoofy, awkward situations, ends up with Mila Kunis. Two out of three ain’t bad. I can totally see Brandon taking surfing lessons with Paul Rudd and eating alone in Hawaii.

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PS I love you

Starring Barry Zito

PS I Love You Barry Zito

I have absolutely zero rationale for this other than I thought Barry Zito’s face would look awesome and creepy on this poster.

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Say Anything

Starring Buster Posey

Say Anything Posey

Classic. Amazing. Timeless. Buster Posey. Raise your hand if you would like Buster Posey to hold a boom box over his head for you? /everyone including the men raise their hands

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Knocked Up

Starring Brandon Crawford

Knocked Up Crawford

Brandon Crawford and his lovely wife Jalynne just happen to be new parents. The only difference is that Brandon and Jalynne are adorable together and Seth Rogan and Katherine Heigl are um, unlikely.

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Juno

Starring Tim Lincecum

Juno Tim Lincecum

An emo movie for the Seattle native. Also, Michael Cera and Tim Lincecum have similar … statures?

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Hitch

Starring Javier Lopez

hitch javier

Javier Lopez is slick, smooth, and stylin’ – he would make a perfect Hitch. There’s a reason why his teammates selected him as most likely to be an international spy, he’s a chameleon.

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Magic Mike

Starring Angel Pagan

Magic Mike Angel Pagan

No no – he’s not Channing Tatum. He’s the smooth and sassy pimp character played by Matthew McConaughey. I’m pretty sure Pagan should always walk around with a leather vest and a cowboy hat. He probably already does…

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Pretty Woman

Starring Brian Sabean

pretty_woman_Brian Sabean

I can actually see this one a little too clearly. Brian Sabean would totally snap his Razr phone shut onto Julia Robert’s fingers.

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Shallow Hal

Starring Chad Gaudin

Shallow Hal Chad Gaudin

No reason. Just think Gaudin fits here.

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Twilight: Breaking Dawn

Starring Hunter Pence and Hector Sanchez

Breaking Dawn Hector Hunter

Hunter Pence’s eyes are either human, alien, or vampire. They are mesmerizing. I also like the idea of him being a timeless vampire falling in love with Bella Swan/Kristen Stewart. Hector Sanchez? Well, I had to put him somewhere. He’s very Jacob-esque and has wolf-like eyes.