Michael Phelps

Sarah Palin is the new Michael Phelps

I am so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michael Phelps is no longer the flavor of the week. His gold has tarnished and given the exception of hosting the season premier of SNL, his fifteen minutes of fame are just about up.  Why is he “out,” as Heidi Klum would say on “Project Runway?”  Because a BASG-proclaimed MILF has taken his place.

(Editor’s note: the word “out” in this context refers in no way to sexual orientation, since in “Project Runway” male contestants and judges being already “out” is already a given in that sense)

Yes, new vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has turned into the new Michael Phelps. She’s replaced Phelps on every magazine cover this week (given the exception of Sports Illustrated, but you never know, she could be posing with a gun and a moose on the cover any day now.) I’ve heard rumors that she may even show up on the package of this delicious treat.

It’s not that I’m missing Michael Phelps. He’s had a long moment in the spotlight for an Olympic swimmer. And he’s a bazillionaire now too, so it’s hard to feel too sorry for him. However, seeing his face on every magazine cover or seeing him on TV did not make me angry. Not like this new Michael Phelps is making me feel.

Why is it that just because I’m a girl (Sports GIRL Liz … Sports Woman Liz one day), I’m supposed to like Palin? And why does she get all the credit for everything that Hillary Clinton worked for? Why is she even being compared to her? It’s like saying to a Giants fan, “Hey, you like baseball, why don’t you just root for the Dodgers … they play baseball too, ya know!” A person could get an ass-whupping for a comment like that!

What makes me even more mad is that there are very few media outlets that are asking the right questions. I don’t care that she has a pregnant daughter … that doesn’t matter. What does matter is the fact that she comes from a barely populated state and has absolutely zero foreign policy experience. And in a time where communication with other countries is increasingly important for the war-driven US, someone like her is not the right choice to be one heart failure away from the presidency. In traveling abroad twice for the Olympics, Michael Phelps has more foreign affairs experience than she does. Does that mean he should be the VP candidate on the ballot?

Hmmmm, maybe so.

Michael Phelps is loved by China. China is a very important country to the US and his relations with them could be very beneficial to us. He’s shown that he is courageous and can get the job done. One may even call him a “maverick” of the swimming world, if only because that seems to be the buzzword of choice this political season. The only downside is that Phelps is not very popular with the Frenchies. However, I’ve heard Washington is clamoring for a name change back to freedom fries, so relations with that country probably won’t matter too much.  

Heidi Klum and I now say “you’re out,” Sarah Palin. Go home and take care of your children (and maybe give them some condoms while you’re at it). Let the experienced, well-educated women of the political world set the standards and the path for future generations of women in politics — or at least for the women who care about issues important to women (and no, I don’t think aerial bear and wolf hunting qualifies). The so-called “glass ceiling” wasn’t shattered by you — and it seems that those 18 million cracks are now solidifying and starting to disappear.

Michael Phelps … you are in! All you need to do is trade in that gold for a little patriotic red, white and blue. Besides, being VP gets you access to all the junk food and freedom fries that you could ever want.

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