Happy Holidraft, everyone! At long last, my much-anticipated mock draft has arrived. I am no Mel Kiper, Mike Mayock, or Patrick Connor even, but I do come from a long lineage of prognosticators. My mother boasts of having supernatural powers so keen they enabled her to accomplish such feats as thwarting my sister’s attempt to ditch third period Biology and correctly predicting the winner of the 1998 Bear River Recreation Boys Basketball Championship, a game in which I played and lost.

Needless to say, I am confident in my prediction. So confident in fact that I am willing to fully guarantee them. That’s right, if I’m wrong, you’ll get a complete refund, and I’ll even let you keep the complimentary Sham-Wha? (not to be confused with the Sham-Wow!).

Without further adieu, here are the 49ers 2012 NFL Draft selections:

Round 1

Janoris Jenkins, CB, North Alabama

HT WT 40 Y/D 10 Y/D Shuttle 3-Cone Drill Tkle Asst Int PD
5-10 193 4.46 1.47 4.10 7.15 92 29 8 33

BASG and I have thoroughly explicated the value of this pick. In sum, Jenkins makes sense because he’s arguably the best defensive player in the draft and he would be under team control for a modest amount. Plus, his presence on the team could benefit Alex Smith, but not just in practice. Should Alex ever have any questions about fatherhood, Jenkins could provide a wealth of expertise and experience. Read more here.

Round 2

Jared Crick, DE, Nebraska

HT WT 40 Y/D 10 Y/D Shuttle 3-Cone Drill Tkle TFL Sk
6-4 280 4.94 N/A 4.40 7.47 165 35 20

Chad Reuter describes Crick as a “Lunch-pail worker” who is “one of the toughest players in the class to move whether one-on-one or double-teamed.” Sure, defensive line might not be one of the greater needs for the team, but Justin Smith is definitely not getting any younger. In fact, Smith has played every game of every season for the past 10 seasons. There is no way his body will be able to maintain his level of play for much longer. Why not groom his replacement in Crick, who is essentially Justin Smith 2.0?

Round 3

Marvin Jones, WR, California

HT WT 40 Y/D Vert Shuttle Broad Jump 3-Cone Drill G Rec YDs
6-2 199 4.46 33 4.11 09’04” 6.81 43 156 2270

Jones provides the length that the 49ers are missing at receiver, while also possessing the quickness that Baalke covets. He was hampered in Berkeley by poor quarterback play, which affects his draft stock but not his talent. Read more here.

Round 4

Brandon Hardin, S, Oregon State

HT WT 40 Y/D 10 Y/D Shuttle 3-Cone Drill Tkle Asst Int PD
6-2 217 4.43 152 4.17 6.88 73 32 1 11

Hardin to the 49ers makes a ton of sense. He’s a big, athletic free safety whose primary position in Corvallis was cornerback. Sure, his college production is severely lacking — amassing only one interception and 11 passes defensed in three seasons — but Dashon Goldson’s college production was equally as underwhelming. Hardin also has value on special teams.

Round 5

Joe Looney, G, Wake Forest

HT WT 40 Y/D Bench Shuttle Broad Jump 3-Cone Drill
6-3 309 5.03 26 N/A N/A N/A

Looney might be a steal. After sustaining a foot injury at the combine, Looney was unable to partake in pre-draft workouts. As a result, his draft stock took a hit. In general, Looney is regarded as a tough run blocker who is maturing as a pass blocker. Read more here.

Round 6

Adrien Robinson, TE, Cincinnati

HT WT 40 Y/D Bench Shuttle Broad Jump 3-Cone Drill G Rec YDS
6-4 264 4.58 15 4.43 11’03” 7.03 36 29 434

Robinson’s athleticism rivals that Vernon Davis. He doesn’t have much in the way of college production, but his height and jumping ability could be an asset in the red zone. Read more here.

Round 7

Frank Alexander, Oklahoma

HT WT 40 Y/D 10 Y/D Shuttle 3-Cone Drill Hand Tkl TFL Sck
6-4 270 4.80 1.69 4.59 09’09” 9.75 143 44 20.5

Alexander’s size and college production are Aldon Smith-esque. He could be an effective situational pass rusher in the NFL. Read more here.