Let’s face it. Giants fans don’t have much to laugh about lately. Unless being tossed around like a wet rag doll by the Red Sox makes you smile. Which in that case, I think you may want to find seek professional help.

In an effort to bring some levity to the team and to combine my passion for dumb gossip and baseball, I’ve mocked up a couple pages of my favorite section of US Weekly’s: “Stars: They’re Just Like Us”.

In case you’re unfamiliar, the “Just Like Us”section is utterly ridiculous. It shows celebs like Patrick Dempsey or Reese Witherspoon doing normal people things like pumping gas because *gasp* – THEY ARE JUST AS COMMON AS A REGULAR HUMAN. Thought it might be a good excuse to google weird photos of the Giants players not playing baseball. I also think it would have been hard to do something like “Who Wore it Best?” Although come to think of it, I could just compare all the players wearing their plaid shirts. But we already know the answer to that one. Buster Posey. He wore it best. Always.

I thought the cover of the magazine could go a little something like THIS:

SF Weekly-Cover-Image

Drumming up a little fake drama and pulling at the heart strings. Wouldn’t you pay $3.99 for this magazine cover? I mean, what if Javier Lopez and Hector Sanchez are in a huge fight about who clogged the clubhouse toilet or something? You would need to read this to find out. Also, where is Madison’s calf? They are best friends and need each other.

Getting into the meat of the magazine, here are a few pages from the “Just Like Us” section. Enjoy!

Just-Like-Us-Zito-Image

Just-Like-Us-Matt-Cain

Just-Like-Us-Sergio-Romo-Marco-Scutaro

Just-Like-Us-Bruce-Bochy-2

Just-Like-Us-Ryan-Vogelsong

Just-Like-Us-Pablo Sandoval

Just-like-us-Javier-Lopez

Just-Like-Us-Buster-Posey

Just-Like-Us- Brandon-Belt

Just-Like-Us-Tim-Lincecum

Just-Like-Us-Angel-Pagan

Just-Like-Us_Hunter-Pence

Just-Like-Us-Brandon-Crawford

Don’t you feel SLIGHTLY better about the Giants now? Especially with the last picture? I mean, Brandon Crawford is dressed as a pirate. I’m also 99.9% sure he’s wearing eyeliner.

And here’s my segue into the PIRATES SERIES! See what I did there? Arrrrrr you ready? *pirate voice*