Colin Kaepernick had a decent Super Bowl statistically, with over 302 yards passing and 62 yards rushing on seven carries. However, even with those numbers it’s going to be a long offseason for the San Francisco 49ers quarterback after losing to the Baltimore Ravens.

Although he didn’t win the ultimate prize, Kaepernick’s star continues to rise. While he’s usually a man of few words, his naked torso has been a topic in and of itself over the last couple days.

1. The National Enquirer does what they do best – timeliness be damned

Colin Kaepernick National Enquirer Body Shots

Your mom’s favorite supermarket rag ran a photo from an untold date (probably a while ago, perhaps last offseason) of Kaepernick on a cruise. He’s lying on his back, and the tabloid’s description of women using him as a fleshy Patron vessel is perfectly cheesy.

The uber-racy snapshots show a shirtless Kaepernick receiving “body shots” of tequila, grinning wildly as bikini-clad bombshells lick the salty goodness off his Adonis-like physique.

Yep, it’s him. You can tell because his hat says “MILWAUKEE.”

2. David Whitley does not approve

From his Instagram account today, with this description: “The new edition to the body thanks to @OrlyCukui

Colin Kaepernick tattoo Instagram

 

Looks like someone wanted to take his mind off the pain caused by Sunday’s game by experiencing a little pain around the nipple area. Hopefully he won’t lose any more Super Bowls or he’ll end up with face tats like those junkies in the tenderloin (FYI, you can find plenty of those people in New Orleans, too).

Kate Scott, who you can hear in the mornings on KNBR, had this reply:

Kate Scott Colin Kaepernick rack yes