Not long ago, I wrote a few wishlist items for the Giants’ 2014 Season. I think it’s fair that if we ask them not implode for four months out of the season, that we, as Giants fans, take on some of the responsibility for a successful year as well. With the New Year just around the corner (seriously, where did the year go?), I compiled a short list of requests for our fans next year. This way when we win our “every other year World Series,” San Francisco can also be crowned with the “Best Fans in Baseball” award as well. Just a couple of small tweaks…

Please. Don’t do the wave. Not now. Not ever. 

There are a ton of reasons not to do the wave:

  1. It’s so annoying
  2. It’s dumb
  3. Everyone will hate you

Everyone seems to understand this rule for the most part but once in awhile I still see some misguided fool in the crowd trying to build Wave momentum. Don’t be that idiot.

Don’t disrespect the Other Team 

There is nothing as classless as heckling the other players. I’m not talking about the harmless “He’s a Bum!” chant. I’m talking situations like what is now referred to as  “BananaGate“. When a Giants fan threw a banana peel at wonderful Orioles outfielder Adam Jones, I wanted to melt into a puddle of embarrassment and trickle into the cove. While we’re at it, maybe we should avoid trying to defend dumb actions as well:

Yeah … please don’t do that. Let’s play nice, okay? That being said, there are some exceptions…

Employ Proper Booing Technique

There is a fine line for booing. Boo too often and you’re just background noise. Boo not often enough and hey, what is this, a library? Here’s an example:

Bad: Carlos Beltran. Why are we still booing him? Seriously. Cause he didn’t want to be in SF? Hey it’s not for everyone. Booing him during the postseason in 2012? Okay, I get that, kinda. Booing him every time we bats for years to come? Nah.

Good: Brian Wilson. We wanted to like you. We tried. And then you were hit by a raging douche-nado and joined the Dodgers and yelled at Larry Baer about your ring and now you’re dead to us. BOOOOOOO.

Don’t Get Caught Being Dumb

We are all dumb sometimes. I am dumb 99% of the time. But maybe don’t do it at the game. Please?  This Deadspin story was sent to me by smug fans of other teams for a really long time. Yup, even Mariners fans. If Mariners fans are harassing you, that’s how you know you’ve hit #rockbottom. Also, maybe don’t put your dietary preferences on your jersey. Ugh:

Stop wasting money on making fun of another team

Dodgers Still Suck Airplane Banner SF Giants

BASG already wrote a nice piece on this but could we please stop renting billboards, hiring planes to fly banners by stadiums, etc? It’s really lame. Also, why do you guys have so much extra money? I can’t even afford Showtime AND HBO, let alone put my hard earned cash towards mocking another fan base.

Calm. Down. 

This is probably the one I have to work on the most. Every time Michael Morse strikes out super hard and leaves runners in scoring position, we get swept by the Dodgers, or we score three runs in two games games or something super Giants-y, let’s try to remember to breathe. Two in three years. A lovable team. A great manager. Talented players. Hey, it ain’t so bad is it?

Don’t touch the ball. For the love of God. 

This is by far the most important rule based on how many fan interferences we had in 2013. If you really can’t resist leaning over to snag a foul/fair ball here are some suggestions:

  1. Stay home
  2. Sit in Club or View Reserve Levels.
  3. Put a ton of sodas and garlic fries in your lap and arms so you physically cannot touch the ball.
  4. Realize that it’s just a ball and it’s not a big deal stop freaking out over nothing omg I’ll just buy you a ball please don’t touch it.
  5. Picture angry Mark Gardner yelling at you:

I feel like this post is really negative with a ton of Don’ts, so I want to end with a list of stuff Giants fans always seem to get right:

1) Stay Passionate

2) Wear your rubber horse head, panda hats, and killer P’s costumes proudly. Who cares? Have fun!

3) Keep calling into KNBR – we love you Admiral, Salty Balty, and Andrea the Astrologer. Stay weird.

Here’s to a great 2014!