It’s no secret the Brandons are favorites amongst Giants fans everywhere. They are the perfect one-two punch. One awkwardly lovable giraffe. One handsome Bay Area native. These two young players provide endless entertainment, both on and off the field. I’m here to aggregate all their most awesome moments for your pleasure.
Believe me. It was not easy to shave down the “Best of” list because as the Brandons’ #1 Fan (100% self-proclaimed. If you would like to challenge me on this title, BRING IT ON), I think everything they do is pretty much “best of” material. I raked through tons of Internet in the process now have a stomachache from laughing. Enjoy.
Best of Brandon Crawford
You may peg Brandon Belt as the winner of Twitter, but I gotta say, Brandon Crawford has some gems. Almost too many to post. So for the sake of not making this article really long, here are my top 3 favorites:
1. Trolling Brett Pill – this is way more effective than yelling “JOFFREY!” over and over at Spring Training like I did.
2. Sassy Crawford - Only 2nd to Sassy Buster Posey, I appreciate when Crawford has snark to help offset his handsomeness. I mean, there is SUBSTANCE behind that hair. And clearly, he has no problem working with a set of weights that could also be used by an 85-year-old in physical therapy:
I thought the fans were the only ones who were obsessed with Brandon Crawford’s hair. I’m starting to think that Brandon Crawford might also be obsessed with Brandon Crawford’s hair. And why wouldn’t he be? I went though his ENTIRE timeline (for the sake of research, obviously) and found like, 4 tweets about his haircuts. This one was my favorite:
Most of these are pulled from his blog and are highly enjoyable:
1. He leads an exciting life:
“In between video games I went to Subway, got a sandwich, came back to the hotel and watched “Quantum of Solace.’’ I still don’t know why it’s called Quantum of Solace. I played more video games”
2. Buster Posey’s twins don’t like him:
I take her and she starts screaming. She wanted her dad, not some guy she doesn’t know with a beard and long hair.
3. On getting tossed from a game for the first time:
“Did I get it that time?’’ I asked him.
“Get out of here!’’ he said.
“I didn’t know if he meant “get out of my sight’’ or “you’re out of the game.’’ I decided to go with “out of my sight.’’
4. On his favorite nicknames:
“I try to ignore people who call me John Stamos. So definitely don’t go there.”
Steve has put me on GIF restrictions since I’ve been going a little nuts with 12903821 GIFs per post so I’ll keep this to two GIFs – one that showcases his skills on the field and one funny one. Just like when you’re taking a group photo – one serious one, one SILLY one.
1. Good at defense. Very good at defense.
He earned his nickname “The Professor” by playing a little street ball and with these tricks. We don’t get to see these moves at AT&T every night but I like knowing that he has it in his bag of tricks. Also #DefensePorn
2. More Sassiness
I mean, I don’t think I could love this GIF more than I do. This goes hand in hand with the #3 quote above – not happy with a prior call where the ump called him out for not touching the bag, he made damn sure he touched it this time:
Just some awesome pictures from the internet of Brandon Crawford.
Duckface selfies. Gotta hand it to Jalynne – she sure knows how to get Brandon to take an awesome Instagram picture
Vintage Crawford with his sister
I don’t want to blow up his spot, but Brandon Crawford used to be on Myspace. And it is absolutely, positively, wonderful. I mean, he TyPeS lIkE tHis for a lot of it. He also has a picture of shirtless Tupac throwing up the Westside! sign uploaded to his profile. This man is amazing. We are so blessed.
Best of Brandon Belt
Full disclosure. I think Brandon Belt is the best. THE BEST. So I poured myself a bowl of wine, and settled in to read ALL his tweets – EVER. These are my favorites:
1. Olive Garden <3 <3 <3
If you don’t know that Brandon Belt loves Olive Garden, kindly remove yourself from my sight. Seriously though, he loves it. I hear more interviews where he talks about Olive Garden and the Tour of Italy than I do about his hitting approach. This tweet was posted through the SF Giants account when they were doing a round of #AskBelt. When twitter user
@thatirishguy28 asked what Brandon Belt would do if Olive Garden closed down, he responded:
Also, “their” instead of “there”. I adore you, Brandon Belt.
2. Channing Tatum Enthusiast
…and loser of bets too, during mini-golf. Who could forget this infamous tweet:
3. Secure on the field. Insecure on Twitter.
When Belt first joined Twitter he blew up everyone’s timelines, for better lack of terms. Hey, I’m not complaining. It was awesome. Apparently not everyone thought it was that cool though. Former minor league teammate Tommy Joseph didn’t dig it all that much, and Belt let his newbie Twitter insecurity show:
Again, Most of these are pulled from his blog with Crawford:
1. On presenting an award to Carrie Underwood:
“It’s funny because I was so nervous that I didn’t really think to take a sniff. Her hair did get in my mouth a little bit and it tasted like oranges. That’s what I got for you on that.”
2. On his new mode of transportation to the ballpark:
“So the inaugural ride was this afternoon. The scooter has an electric motor with a Turbo button (which means about 25 mph at top speed). So I was hauling butt down the Embarcadero to the park. Well, hauling butt as much as you can when you’re riding on the sidewalk. I don’t like riding in the street if I don’t have to. To be honest, I don’t know if scooters are even allowed on the sidewalk. I’m just going to keep going until somebody stops me.”
3. More Olive Garden
“Even on the road, I’m opposed to trying new restaurants. If the food isn’t very good, my whole night is ruined because I could have gone to Olive Garden.”
4. Grooming Habits
“Back home in Texas, I was able to go out and find the shaver I’ve always had, the Peanut.”
1. Wow. But also, so Brandon Belt.
This play is unbelievable. Even better that he made it under pressure in Game 1 of the NLDS. Brandon Belt is very good with his glove. That being said, this was the most awkward beautiful defense I’ve ever seen. I love how he pops up from the crowd.
2. Full of Emotion
It was between this one and when Buster Posey turkey tapped him, but ultimately this pure display of joy won me over. In this moment, he is so bro-like, I couldn’t resist.
I love how nerdy this photo is. I also love how it’s not 100% nerdy because Storm Troopers are guarding our World Series Trophy. The fact is, I just love that Brandon Belt did this.
Well. This one I included because it is adorable. Brandon with his wife Haylee looking fresh-faced and in one of those poses they put you in when you go to Sears to get your portrait taken. I mean, is there anything more Baby Giraffe and Giraffe-ess than this picture?
Full disclosure here. This is not a real picture. This is just a Brandon Belt’s head glued onto a cartoon of someone riding a scooter. I just want so badly for this photo to exist that I had to find a way for it to make it happen. I think it really captures the essence of what he must really look like scootin’ down the Embarcadero, paper’s flying all about, huge grin on his face, protective knee pads. Doesn’t he look so happy?
Separate Brandons are pretty rad. But two Brandons together are the best. Peanut Butter & Jelly. Batman & Robin. Garlic Fries & Seagulls. Let them never be separated and have them grow old together, until Brandon Crawford’s hair is gray but still full of body and Brandon Belt’s gangly body is limp over a walker – forever and ever, until the end of time.