San Francisco Giants

Tim Lincecum got a speeding ticket and stuff

Tim Lincecum got pulled over on Friday and issued a citation for driving 74 mph in a 60 mph zone in his Mercedes up on I-5 in southern Washington. Oh, and he got busted for marijuana possession.

Timmy had an eighth and a pipe in the dashboard console, the same road trip move students from Tijuana to Vancouver have been making on that same highway as long as dashboards had containers to hold you, um, CDs, maps (which don’t fit into the center consoles anyway) and In ‘N Out wrappers.

You may say that Lincecum’s arrest was a relatively minor one in the grand scheme of courts and arrests, and we’re only hearing about it  because he’s a professional athlete. And that’s true. And some people would say this proves he’s kind of stupid off the field.

And that’s true. He was stupid on Friday.

How does he expect not to get a speeding ticket driving 14 mph over the speed limit in Washington??? Have you ever driven north on I-5? No, I mean really far north, not Redding. Once you cross the Oregon border, it’s as if everyone has internal speed governors on their car. They drive next to each other on two lane highways, matching each other’s 54 miles per hour with the precision of two synchronized swimmers, making it ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to pass them, no matter how close you come to driving right into their rear bumper or how often you flash your headlights.

And this continues throughout the state of Oregon and into Washington, where 2 mph over the speed limit is speeding. Usually with all the slow drivers cluttering up the roadways, one never gets the chance to drive at the speed they’d like to (if they’re from California and under the age of 60, anyway).

But when you get that open stretch of highway, there’s always a state trooper lurking behind each roadsign, waiting to find ANYBODY they can give a speeding ticket in a state where everyone drives like captaining a snowplow. That’s where Timmy made his mistake. Especially if your car has CA plates (not sure if Lincecum’s Mercedes did or not), 74 mph in Washington is a huge gamble, especially if your carrying your “migraine” medicine and paraphernalia.

This goes even more for if you look like a not-quite-emo snowboarder with hair sticking out of your knit skull cap, which undoubtedly was pulled down to just above his eyes. Luckily for Lincecum his eyes weren’t red, or we’d be talking about a lot more than a Misdemeanor possession charge in a state where the stuff will probably be legal within the next 10 years.

At least Lincecum isn’t that stupid, stupid enough to be driving while high (or to be more specific “obviously high”). Unfortunately for a guy who’s looking to become extremely rich and is probably weighing several endorsement opportunities, he wasn’t smart enough to drive the speed limit in his home state. Should have known better, but if he throws 7 shutout innings on Opening Day in five months nobody will care.

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