Since nothing gets fans’ blood boiling more than misplaced regional pride, ESPN has decided to cope with the dog days of summer by filling most of the non-promo segments of SportsCenter with a little segment called “TitleTown USA.”
Even though Green Bay has called itself “Titletown, USA” for years due to the success of the Vince Lombardi-led Packers teams of the 1960s, ESPN feels it’s time to decide whether or not Green Bay deserves the moniker.
How, you might ask?
Not by counting titles won in each sport or by consulting historians. Oh, no. The lucky city will be chosen by the most scientific of methods: a SportsNation poll.
According to the Center of Unnecessary Sports Lists, the intelligence and perspective of guys visiting ESPN’s website when they should be working trumps every ranking system known to man or computer (even the fail-safe method of determining the best NFL team in history: editing together game films from different eras, as if we can’t tell when Mean Joe Greene is actually sacking John Brodie, not Joe Montana).
Last night SportsCenter explored the merits of Los Angeles, ending with a nauseating sales pitch from Tommy Lasorda, who apparently is still alive (good for him). Maybe Lasorda figures if L.A. wins this prestigious award, the Dodgers will be able to notch more than three hits per game, or that Los Angeles might even procure an NFL franchise.
I don’t want ESPN coming to San Francisco and screwing everything up (San Francisco is one of the twenty “towns” in contention, no word on whether that includes Oakland or San Jose and the Sabercats [roar], the most successful team in California over the past five years). Call me superstitious or just plain crazy, but I figure the team that wins this whole TitleTown USA thing will be jinxed to the point where they never win another championship again … in any sport.
Wait, why am I even worried about this? You know either Boston or New York will win anyway.