Baron Davis

To serve and protect you from toilet humor

I have so many thoughts racing through my mind right now, maybe because I drank too much coffee. Whatever it is, I’m bouncing off the walls like Tim Lincecum during a rain delay, so let’s get going on the issues of the day:

-Man, I was just joking about Shaq not being allowed to play sheriff anymore.

-Shaq getting badges taken away from two different sheriff departments makes me wonder: how many places can one be an honorary deputy? Seems like Shaq’s been collecting badges like Bill Cosby picks up honorary doctorates.

-You’ve all probably heard Geoff Lepper’s trade rumor by now. If not, the Contra Costa Times/Oakland Tribune/San Jose Mercury News/Livermore Leaker writer says the Warriors are in talks with the Pistons about a possible Baron Davis and Al Harrington for Chauncey Billups trade.

-The only person in the East Bay who’d be against that trade: E-40.

-Just a chance to get rid of Al Harrington should make Mullin pull the trigger on this fictitious trade. Harrington makes Vladimir Radmanovic look like Charles Oakley.

-The main complaint about the U.S. Olympic basketball team has been the lack of size. I say it’s the lack of shooting. Didn’t we all agree that we needed three-point shooters, and the only guy who’s a true long-range specialist on the team  is Michael Redd? Screw Kevin Garnett, this team needs Mike Miller!

-I still think the U.S. takes the gold anyway, due more to the major injuries Yao Ming and Manu Ginobili will have to play through than any talent advantage the Americans might have.

-Wouldn’t Ron Artest be the perfect guy to bring back the Jheri Curl?

-If I were Pat Riley I wouldn’t draft Michael Beasley with the No. 2 pick either. Not because he’s only 6-8 instead of his college-listed height of 6-10, but because I get ESPN The Magazine and saw Beasley’s cover photo. However, I do have to respect Beasley for winning this year’s “Cockiest ESPN The Magazine Cover Picture Award,” given last year to Tiki Barber.

-If someone told you there was a two-woman volleyball team consisting of hot twins named Brooke and Robin Lopez, would you even bat an eye?

-No truth to the rumor that the 49ers signed offensive tackle Barry Sims to a contract printed on yellow cloth with a bag of sand attached.

-Since Sims is known for being one of the top false starters in the NFL, doesn’t that mean the Niners pretty much signed a cheaper, slower, older Kwame Harris?

-As if we needed any further proof. It’s time for maple bats to go the way of baseball jerseys without buttons before someone gets killed.

-Speaking of American League teams that keep winning even with their management actively shoveling dirt on them, the Minnesota Twins have won seven in a row (nine of their last ten) to get within 1.5 games of AL Central-leading Chicago.

-The Twins have given up only 13 runs in those last seven wins, despite the fact Livan Hernandez (remember him?) is the ace of a rotation that also features Scott Baker, Nick Blackburn, Kevin Slowey and Glen Perkins (combined 2008 salary: $6.5 million).

-Barry Zito, who’s making $8 million more in 2008 than the Twins entire starting staff, tries to keep his spot in the Giants rotation in about an hour. If he gets hammered by an offense as depleted as Cleveland’s, his next start will probably be with either the Augusta GreenJackets or the Salem-Keizer Volcanoes.

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