I know it’s depressing.

The Dodgers are in first place. The Giants are in last. They might even clinch in front of us, all smug and Puig-like, and there is nothing we can do. Just fume and hope that the “World Series — Disappointment — World Series — Disappointment” pattern holds up for 2014.

I’m here to provide a tiny smidgen of silver linings that might make you feel better before Don Mattingly is spraying Brian Wilson in the face with Cooks Champagne and Andre Ethier is bro-hugging one of the Ellis’. Just a little something you can read instead of the eleventy bijillion tweets MLB will inevitably send out about how Yasiel Puig hit a homer or ate a sandwich or something.

Here are the Top 5 reasons I think the Giants are better than the Dodgers without ACTUALLY being better than the Dodgers.

#5 The Ballpark 

I mean, not even a comparison. You can go into the whole “Dodgers Stadium is one of the oldest ballparks! So much history! Blah Blah Blah” but let’s face it. Comparing AT&T Park to Dodgers Stadium is basically asking someone:

“Hey! Do you want this hot dog on a bun? I don’t have ketchup for it and the bun fell on the ground but it’s still good. OR, do you want this steak cooked in duck fat and truffle oil that was made by a group of beautiful angels?”

If you’re a visual person, here ya go:

Dodgers Stadium:


AT&T Park:


I mean, our park comes with a rainbow so …

#4 The Fans  

Do I really need to explain this one? The Giants have GREAT fans. Yes, we touch foul balls sometimes (okay, a lot) and sometimes, one of us does this, but at the end of the day, we have passionate, amazing, and loyal fans. Also, our fans are not the only ones that use iPads at games:

BONUS: Sassy retort for “bandwagon” fan claim from Dodgers fans: Can’t hitch bandwagon to championships that don’t exist.

BAM!! Enjoy winning the NL West while I continue to bask in the glow of that SICK BURN.

#3 Plays well with others 

I’m not saying the Giants haven’t gotten into their fair share of fights and benches-clearing fights this year, but the Dodgers seem to really go all out when getting into it with another rival.

Exhibit A can be found here.

Exhibit B be is below:


#2. Buster Posey

Plain and simple. Dodgers don’t have one. I don’t know what else you want me to say about that. He is a Rookie of the Yearing, Two-Time World Series Championing, NL Batting League Champin’, National League MVP. I also hear he gives great hugs.

#1 Defending World Series Champions

It was a loooong fall from the top. But hey, we started the season as World Series Champions and until the last out is thrown in the postseason this year, we are still technically champions.

Until they hand some other team the trophy, I’m going to carry on pretending this season wasn’t traumatizing and demoralizing.

Hope this made everyone feel better about the upcoming series and having to watch Puig flip his bat 12 feet in the air on a single to left field.

If it didn’t, I’m 99% sure watching Buster Posey react to winning the 2012 National League MVP will help:

Beat LA.