Vernon Davis is holding out for a new contract. Most people don’t know this, because he’s kept it very quiet. He’s only written an article about his contract status in Cat Fancy Sports Illustrated’s MMQB and done interviews with ESPN, TLC, CNBC, 95.7 The Game, Bravo and now the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

The AJC interview is the most recent, and perhaps the most confusing. That’s saying a lot, especially considering how he uttered the following to ESPN before 49ers minicamp: “My foot could get stuck in the grass, and I may not be able to get out … but if it’s mandatory, I think I should be there.”

Jim Harbaugh Vernon DavisBefore we get to the AJC stuff from earlier today … has anyone ever gotten their foot stuck in grass before? Quicksand — absolutely. Mud — rarely, but it can happen. Grass? Maybe when a big snake that’s hiding in there decides to bite your foot and won’t let go (which happens ALL THE TIME).

Let’s go through Davis’ answer to D. Orlando Ledbetter’s (which is a great name) first question (“How difficult has it been dealing with your contract situation?”) piece by piece and see if we can figure out what the hell Davis is trying to say.

“It hasn’t been difficult at all. There are no worries. There is nothing that I can stress about.”

He may be laying it on a little thick by effectively saying “I’m chillin’” three times, but so far, so good. He doesn’t want the 49ers to think he’s getting antsy, and truth be told he’s probably pretty happy to skip all these offseason workouts as he heads into his ninth NFL season.

“It’s obvious that we want a new contract. I want a new contract. It’s just like any athlete, we all want a new contract.”

The word “we” is always nice to use when conversing about athletic endeavors, but Davis quickly corrected himself after using it in regards to his contractual desires. Instead of “any athlete,” Davis probably should’ve said “many athletes.” I can think of a few who are more than happy with their current contracts (cough … Matt Cain … ahem … Albert Pujols … burp … Kobe Bryant).

“But I’m not going to stress over it. It’s not the end of the world if I don’t get it. If I get it, that’s good.”

I love how Davis is treating the prospect of a new contract with the 49ers like it’s a coupon for 25 cents off a package of Kraft singles. His representatives probably don’t love Davis’ “no worries” attitude, though.

“It’s moving slowly, but surely. At the end of the day, if I don’t get the deal, at least I tried and I put my foot down. If I don’t get it at the moment, I’m not going to lose any sleep.”

If Davis doesn’t get “the deal,” that would mean he put his foot down … before picking it up and running a wheel route.

Some people want to say this isn’t Fantex-related, or it’s only partially Fantex-related. I think this is 5% Vernon-had-a-good-2013-and-wants-to-cash-out-now-that-the-Niners-have-actual-receivers-related and 95% Fantex-related. They gave him $4 million, which means even after losing workout bonuses from missing OTAs and getting fined for missing minicamp, he’s still more comfortable financially at this point than he would’ve been if he had maximized what he could earn from the 49ers this offseason and never signed with Fantex.

Davis’ current contract was front-loaded, and as a 30-year-old with multiple concussions it’s clear why he’d like to land one last huge contract before his career takes a sudden turn for the worse. But he’s making decent money, his contract lasts another season after this one, and it doesn’t seem like Davis’ heart is really into this holdout. Oh well, Fantex is getting tons of free publicity. Just look at all those athletes lining up to have their own IPOs after seeing how smoothly it’s gone with Vernon…