Anthony Randolph

Wanna know the future?

Are you ready for Kobe Bryant’s inevitable scoring explosion to end the regular season? One thing I learned hanging around Vegas sports books this week was the NBA MVP race looks like this:

1. LeBron James

1a. Dwyane Wade

3. Kobe Bryant

Not coincidentally, Kobe has gone into his patented “I’m getting my shots, damn it” mode. You think Kobe wants to just stand idly by while LeBron James cruises to his first MVP award, while the defending MVP leads a team that ran away from the Western Conference in January gets less pub than James or Wade? If you think Kobe’s cool with that, you didn’t watch the fourth quarter of the Gold Medal Game against Spain.

Look for Kobe to end up second in the MVP voting to LeBron after a final month where he averages 35 ppg.

Over/Under: Times Kobe scores 50 before the end of the season: 1

Over/Under: Times Kobe scores 40: 5

Commercial Predictions:

–Through a lifetime of movies, TV and the Internet, I have to some extent become desensitized to the sights of sex, nudity, drug use, violence, and nearly every bodily function, but I will never be fully desensitized to the Axe commercial featuring that guy’s gushing armpits.

–The trend of black and white commercials featuring a mega-corporation’s CEO trying to act sincere will not last or be successful.

“Spaghetti Jimmy wins!” will not become a national catchphrase.

Media predictions:

–We haven’t seen Gus Johnson’s last brush with the law.

–Bruce Jenkins will be a college professor within five years.

–Tim Brando will never look more like Chris Berman than he does this year.

–Ted Robinson will do an admirable job announcing 49ers’ games on the radio, although he will openly root for the Jets whenever the 49ers face them.

San Francisco Giants predictions:

–The San Francisco Giants bench will include Steve Holm, Nate Schierholtz, Kevin Frandsen, Rich Aurilia, Juan Uribe and Eugenio Velez.

–Either Schierholtz or Fred Lewis will be traded by July 31.

–Noah Lowry will never start another game for San Francisco.

Golden State Warriors predictions:

–The Warriors will try to make a trade during the off-season but will end up giving up after every team asks for Randolph, Wright or both.

Fear The Beard will petition the Warriors to draft James Harden.

–Monta Ellis will contemplate getting tears tattooed on his face this summer, and will refrain.

49ers predictions:

–The 49ers will make what they think is a fantastic offer to the Broncos for Jay Cutler: Mark Roman, straight up.

–Damon Huard will start at least three games in 2009.

–Isaac Bruce will return, but will miss at least one month of training camp and every minicamp.

Relocation predictions:

–The Raiders will move to Los Angeles City of Industry before 2015.

–Once the Raiders leave, the A’s will settle for a new stadium where the current Coliseum stands.

–The Memphis Grizzlies will move to San Jose in two years, and their new coach will be Don Nelson (OK, that maybe that last one’s a long shot).

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