Wednesday's Weird KNBR Commercial

Wednesday’s Weird KNBR Commercial of the Week

This week it’s a pair of KNBR commercials that win the Weird Commercial of the Week award. They’re both pretty much the same-same plot, same company, just with the genders reversed.

Verizon Wireless has two ads in heavy rotation recently where an overly caffeinated customer is presumably in a Verizon store (or in somebody’s home in kind of a bland example of role-playing), asking a Verizon employee about how certain phones are going to get them hip on the latest trends and other nonsensical garbage.

One spot has a female customer talking to a male employee about staying cool, the other featuring a male customer who wants to make a New Year’s Resolution or something asking which phone would help with that. In each commercial, after the customer is blown away by the three phones named in succession, growing progressively more excited by each phone, the employee says in a weirdly sexual tone:

“Welcome to Verizon Wireless!”

Seems harmless, but it comes off like Mrs. Robinson asking Ben to stay in for a drink in “The Graduate.”

This pair of commercials was like a UPS TV commercial from years back, with several UPS employees entering and leaving places of business. Mostly very in shape, very good looking UPS guys and gals (far better looking than the portly, angry man who delivers to my work whose main goal seems to be not uttering a single syllable once indoors) who would smile sheepishly at the fans they had accumulated at all their drop-off points.

The people (women, mostly) seemed not only to be waiting for the UPS drivers, but would gawk, point and smile like they were the Beatles and it was 1966. Pretty much the message was: UPS Drivers! You can flirt with ‘em!

I guess Verizon is trying to get that same lonely and desperate crowd. Maybe they figure since the Saberkitten Tryouts at Fry’s Gym are closed to the public, there are going to be a bunch of people with nothing to do pretty soon who need a little attention from a cellphone salesperson.

You know, my phone is looking tired lately. Maybe it’s time to go get a new Chocolate! Hmm, maybe I should welcome myself to Verizon Wireless, and then I’ll spray my phone with Lysol and immediately go to Quest Diagnostics for a full blood screening.

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