NBA

Where creepy happens

And just for fun … For all of you who are watching the NBA playoffs I’m sure you’ve noticed something more than just basketball and Kobe’s winning smile. It’s something very disturbing, and something that apparently the NBA thinks will get more viewers to watch the playoff games. I’m talking about those creepy half face “There can only be one” ads.

For those of you who have a DVR, the creepy half face ad involves two NBA players, with only half of each of their faces showing, speaking at the same time as if they magically morphed into one face. Ick! It’s like that joke on Conan O’Brien where he takes celebrity couples and puts their faces together to see what kind of monstrous child the couple would have if they were to actually stay together long enough to procreate.

And speaking of celebrity couples, I think it would be appropriate to give these creepy half face morphed NBA players new names using the same technology that E! Entertainment News uses to name new couples. Maybe with a new name, I’ll be able to stomach these ads a little more easily. I know it always helps when trying not to think too much into mismatched celebrity hookups such as Anisyer (Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer), TomCat (Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise) and Parkergoria (Tony Parker and Eva Longoria). Ok, so I made up Anisyer. But I’m already laughing away the thoughts of them both trying to have an intelligent conversation (“Um, your body is a wonderland? Damn, already used that line.”) So, here it goes. The new morphed players of the creepy half face NBA playoffs ads:

Kobe Bryant + Steve Nash = ASHBE
Ashbe enjoys shooting the ball and can sometimes have an attitude on the court. He frequents the Playboy Mansion but is a real mamma’s boy at heart.

 

 

 

 

 

Shaquille O’Neal + Dirk Nowitzki = WITZQUILLE
Witzquille’s a real big guy and is a little awkward on the court. He speaks 3 different languages and has taught his teammates all the bad words in those languages. Va fan#@!lo

 

 

 

 

 

LeBron James + Kevin Garnett = LeNETT
LeNett is from France and enjoys dunking the ball and has a collection of basketball nets from championship games. He is confident that he will be the ultimate NBA player of the year- Au revoir Kobe!

 

 

 

 

Bay Area Sports Guy + Pau Gasol = SOLORTS
Solorts is a guy who loves sports. He also has a hobby of training wild mountain lions while on bike rides and is known to secretly not share food with friends at sporting events.

I would also like to add that classical music and opera don’t really scream “Yeah! Win! I’m a tough NBA guy!” The music in all of the NBA playoffs ads also feature only classical and opera music. While I’m pointing out to the NBA that half face players are creepy, I thought it would be good to mention that the ad guys might want to pick something a little more upbeat to promote the NBA games. I’d even settle for Kool and the Gang’s “Celebration” in order to skip over more tragic sounding piano music and screaming opera singers. But if thats what gets players like, Ashbe, Witzquille, LeNett and Solorts going, who am I to try to take away their pump up music? I’ll just come prepared next time I go to a basketball game and bring my La Boheme and Madama Butterfly soundtracks to play during the warm-ups.

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