Barry Zito

Where there’s fog, there’s fire

What a crazy, busy weekend. After you get engaged every weekend becomes sort of planned for you, and it takes skill (and, some would argue, a lack of perspective and an obsessive personality) to fit in all the sports you used to watch in a carefree and sometimes slovenly manner.

Since if you’re reading this you undoubtedly know that since I last rapped at ya, the Giants won 2 of 3 against the Rockies, the A’s went far away and played poorly, Floyd Mayweather won a decision over Mosley and kept his face intact, Calvin Borel won yet another Kentucky Derby and the nation no longer has to pretend to care about the Milwaukee Bucks.

So let’s break it down, starting with what we saw at Friday night’s Giants game.

— Haven’t been to a Friday nighter in a while, and AT&T Park needs to seriously think about installing a beer pong area next to the Build-A-Bear booth.

— Not to say there were a lot of young drunk people there, but Friday night deserves its own time “story-time.” While waiting in line for a Philly Cheese behind the centerfield bleachers in the fifth inning, there were two girls in front of me. One of them said they weren’t in line, which caused her friend to mumble something incoherently. So they stayed in line. My attention turned to the LCD screen showing the game about 20 feet to my left, when out of the corner of my eye the incoherent mumbler grabbed for my beer while throwing her head back in anticipation of some stolen Tecate. Luckily, my reflexes were quicker than her impulses, as I was able to pull it back to my chest and say, “I don’t know you! This cost eight dollars!”

— Her sober(er) friend then grabbed the would-be thief’s arm and asked her, “Do you want do puke now? Or do you want to puke later?”

— I couldn’t exactly understand what almost-puker said as her friend pulled her away. I think it was something like, “I wanna get a beer!” Gotta keep that buzz going.

— That was before a guy jumped into the Giants bullpen and needed to be restrained by 8(!) cops, delaying a Juan Uribe at-bat for at least a few minutes.

— Friday’s game marked the first time I’d heard a raucous “BARRY BARRY BARRY” chant in person since 2007.

— It was also the first time I’d seen a fan catch a baseball tossed to him by an opposing outfielder after the third out (like Dexter Fowler did) and get convinced by the fans around him to “THROW IT BACK! THROW IT BACK! THROW IT BACK!” and actually do it. Not a homer by the Rockies. A souvenir. The kicker: when the umpire shook his head and meandered over to the ball (which made it almost all the way to second base), the crowd then started chanting, “PICK IT UP! PICK IT UP! PICK IT UP!”

— The second base umpire in question: Tim Tschida, the same guy who completely derailed Jonathan Sanchez yesterday with a strange and inconsistent strike zone. Coincidence? Probably not.

— Moment that I wasn’t there for that in 5 years I will be absolutely certain that I witnessed in person, even though I was actually in the concourse looking for beer and philly cheesesteaks: my fiance overheard a conversation in the bleachers that started after fog started creeping into Mays Field.

Girl: Whoa look at all that smoke!

Guy: Whoa…

Girl: There must be a fire!

Guy: Yeah, there must be a fire…

Girl: They’re probably doing a big BBQ.

— Gotta love boxing, where Chris Brown can sing the National Anthem before Floyd Mayweather cruises into the ring wearing fur-lined trunks and a fur-vest. Las Vegas, the last place where NOW and PETA dare not protest (yet).

— I’ve never gotten in a real fight, so maybe that’s why I was so wrong about the Mayweather-Mosley fight — at least early on. When Mosley caught Money that right hook and a knee-buckling combo in the second round, it looked like Mayweather’s undefeated record would be gone within minutes. While Mayweather’s advantages over Sugar Shane in speed, conditioning and overall skill weren’t surprising, the chin he showed was impressive.

— When/if Mayweather fights Manny Pacquiao, he is going to be a lot more careful. What makes that fight so tantalizing is that Manny ALWAYS presses the issue. He doesn’t let guys box, he makes them fight. If he can do that to Mayweather will be the key to the fight, a fight that absolutely has to happen. Nobody turns down $50 million.

— Like it or not, and it doesn’t really matter since he’ll be the emperor of the Phillipines by the end of the year (even if there is no such thing), Pacquiao is looking like a cheater the longer he goes without letting the needles take blood. It’s not like Mayweather’s asking him to put leeches all over his body the night before the fight. (More on this in a future column.)

— Is it bad that I can’t pay attention to NHL playoff series until they reach Game 6?

— Ben Sheets has given up 17 ER over his last two starts (7.1 IP). No matter what you think of Todd Wellemeyer this season, at least he didn’t cost $10 million.

— Paul Pierce is the undisputed No. 1 guy in the NBA when it comes to overplaying nicks and bruises to make them look like career-threatening injuries before coming back after the timeout, shooting a couple free-throws and then looking no worse for wear. But Deron Williams is coming close. Every time he hits the floor Jazz fans have to wonder if he’s gone for good, then he hits a three.

— It must be an NBA thing. LeBron did it this postseason when he rubbed his right elbow and shot a free throw left-handed at the end of the series finale against Chicago. Remember Reggie Miller spraining his ankle, only to jump higher than he ever had in celebration of that shot he hit against the Knicks? Or when Michael Jordan had the “flu” against the Jazz (Gatorade commercial), or when that wuss Willis Reed feigned that ankle injury of his own? (Ducking lightning bolts)

— You think Commish Stern knows that LeBron and Kobe are now synonymous with coke prices?

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