Anthony Randolph

Manny’s got nice, child-bearing hips

I have to thank Manny Ramirez. While the drug he tested positive for couldn’t have made him as fertile as the chick on the First Response commercials (Ovulation Sensation, baby!), I can’t get mad at the guy who’s given me by far the most material over the past year. So I dedicate this edition of “Loosely Associated Thoughts” to Man-Ram, and the Dodgers who are absolutely falling apart without him.

–You can’t blame the Dodgers for re-signing Ramirez: a couple months after Manny joined the team last season, all the other Dodgers were on his cycle.

–Reason why batting average is an overrated statistic, Vol. 1: while everyone under the sun (myself included) has wondered why the Giants don’t send down Travis Ishikawa in favor of Jesus Guzman, Fred Lewis is allowed to flail away in left field even though Nate Schierholtz is ALREADY with the Giants.

–Remember: while Ishikawa isn’t quite J.T. Snow in the field, Fred Lewis may not even be Glenallen Hill.

–And if that weren’t enough: RBI’s for Ishikawa in 2009: 11. RBI’s for Lewis: 2.

Just to warn you, here are some thoughts on Game 3 of the Denver/Dallas series, even though Dallas already won Game 4, 119-117. You just have to deal.

–You want to get the foul called at the end of the game, Antoine Wright? Try fouling hard and not throwing your hands up in the air like you’re Christian Ronaldo after getting a yellow card.

–Sorry, but I’m just tired of Mark Cuban. I’m fatigued. It’s like I don’t even notice anything he says, emails or (of course) tweets. The referees, the thugs, the punks, waah-waah-waah. If you weren’t one of the ten or fewer owners guaranteed to be able to finance their teams through 2015, you would never be allowed to act like Ric Flair after every buzzer-beater your team loses. Yelling at opponent’s mothers? Pushing cameramen out of the way who aren’t actually IN YOUR WAY? I’m all for passionate fans, but billionaires need to be seen and not heard.

–What’s your argument anyway, Mavericks? That Game 3 was fixed? Allowing you to win would have extended the series, meaning more money for everyone!

–Oh, and the Warriors? Great job handling the Chris Mullin situation. Just top-notch all the way around. Way to alienate the best Warriors of all-time you’ll still allow on the floor (sorry, Mr. Barry!), just so Don Nelson and Robert Rowell could take turns making completely indefensible moves all season (extending Stephen Jackson, sitting Tony Randolph for waaaaay too long, rubbing Monta Ellis’ nose in his own urine and hitting his muzzle with a newspaper).

–If I’m Phil Jackson, I’d script my first play: Derek Fisher runs towards Shane Battier and punches him in the face. The harder, the better if I’m Phil. When your point guard’s weak spot is “guarding quicker point guards,” it might be time to make that point guard a player/coach who doesn’t play.

–Did anybody else laugh their asses off when Big Baby Davis pushed that kid out of the way? That little brat deserved it, just for having that seat.

–Golf is the game where you hang out with your friends and tell jokes that shouldn’t be heard by anyone else…that’s why you tell them when nobody else is within 500 yards of you. For that reason, anything golf analysts like David Feherty say should never be held against them. What they write, well, that’s another story.

–Caught Star Trek over the weekend. Decent flick — good explosions, Zachary Quinto was great as Spock. However, the fact that Captain Kirk was played by a version of Paul Walker with past acne problems was a little odd.

–I’m thinking of cutting my sports talk radio consumption for one reason: the “We make the phones ring, we make the phones RING, RING” commercials by a certain phone book company.

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