Anthony Randolph

Is this a Niners game or Church Chat?

Picking up the pieces after last night’s lively party at our apartment celebrating the tenth anniversary of yours truly becoming legal to drink in the United States, and a decidedly less inspiring weekend for the local non-Sharks professional squads.

Last night’s Warriors game started out with a 13-0 Nuggets lead and went downhill from there, while the 49ers committed zero turnovers and had the ball over 16 minutes longer than the Dolphins but still lost. And I’m still mad at all the Patriots fans for selling out today’s Raiders game, forcing all Bay Area fans without the NFL package to watch the Raiders prove for the second week in a row that they’ve completely given up on Tom Cable. I guess the Raiders game had one positive, as for me it facilitated a fantastic 45-minute nap.

Here’s what happened this weekend while I was awake:

–Turning on the Niner game and seeing Mike Singletary with that gigantic cross around his neck was the closest I’ve come to going to church on Sunday morning since I was a little kid, when my parents used to have a born-again couple babysit my sisters and I when they’d go on trips to Maui.

–Since they didn’t do any closeups and I wasn’t watching the game in high definition, I was unable to confirm whether Singletary’s accessory possessed a Reebok logo. In related news, I just dodged a lightning bolt.

–It’s nowhere near as obnoxious as their robot (the only steel-and-bolts creation to continually suffer from tight quads, apparently), but I feel like Fox insults my intelligence even more with the fake Jumbotron they always CGI onto the top of every outdoor stadium for the purpose of displaying team logos, showing a highlight and serving as a nice perch for fake seagulls.

–Speaking of seagulls, which around here at least have an uncanny knowledge of when a game is about a half hour from ending, that Raiders game sure was fun, wasn’t it? By far, the best part of that telecast was listening to Kevin Harlan get more and more frustrated as the game went on. He made roughly 20 complaints about the rain, mentioned how there were more seagulls than people in the stands midway through the final quarter, and at one point casually remarked that JaMarcus Russell is “about 15 pounds overweight.”

–I know he’s a far better option than J.T. O’Sullivan, but it’s pretty tough to expect a win any game in which Shaun Hill ends up with 46 pass attempts — especially when all those throws result in only 233 yards. 22 passes in a row to end the game? Am I wrong in wondering if Mike Martz wasn’t at least a little giddy about the being able to show what he can do without Frank Gore?

–Vernon Davis dropped an easy one today, but the goat of the game was Mark Roman (again). The 49ers need a lot of things (a pass rusher and a fast wide receiver, for starters), but when the draft comes around they could do worse than picking a safety in the first round.

–According to’s latest mock draft, the 49ers would select USC safety Taylor Mays. Knowing the 49ers, I would be surprised if they didn’t instead draft Mays’ teammate Rey Maualuga, who went to my high school.

–The Warriors are completely unwatchable right now. I reached my breaking point last night when Jim Barnett started talking about how NBA teams need to show some pride. If I were Bob Fitzgerald, I might have pointed out that the Warriors were starting C.J. Watson and Rob Coors Kurz, so calling them an NBA team is debatable at this point.

–So the Warriors were down by 25 going into the fourth quarter, and Don Nelson only played Anthony Randolph for 10 minutes? I know Kurz scored 20 points and generally played quite well, but why was Anthony Morrow allowed to chuck terrible shots for 23 minutes and go 4-for-14?

-And since the Warriors have two Anthony’s, wouldn’t it be cool if Randolph started going by “Tony?”

–Stephen Jackson was even worse than Morrow, going 1-for-13 from the floor last night. I’d be shocked if he didn’t go on the shelf for a while within the next week, which would give the Warriors more opportunities to showcase Marco Belinelli for his upcoming trade. What, you thought Nellie finally became a believer in Belinelli after Marco went public with his desires to be traded?

–Best sports-related moment of the weekend by far: one of the presents Meg Marlin gave me was one of her custom koozies with the words “Bay Area Sports Guy” on one side and all the relevant Bay Area sports teams on the other. Hey, if the Warriors, Niners and Raiders can’t look good on the field, they can at least look good while keeping my beer cold.

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