Mike Martz

Old People: Good for Baseball, Bad for Football

As is often the case these days, old guys have ruled the recent sporting landscape.

The oldest of all was 60-year-old Billy Crystal, who parlayed his broad shoulders and quick hand-eye coordination into a one-day role with the Yankees a couple days ago as a leadoff hitter.

Actually, Crystal showed more life at the plate than his film career has lately, knocking a grounder just foul down the first base line off Pirates lefty Paul Maholm. He ended up striking out, but he did work the count to 3-1 before whiffing at two straight cutters.

It’s been rumored that San Francisco’s own Robin Williams, who was in person for Crystal’s at-bat, approached the Giants about possibly joining the team this spring. The Giants asked him to re-apply in a couple years when he’d be old enough.

Ray Durham Was at Momo’s!

Fans of the commonly heard sound-drop on Damon Bruce’s Sportsphone 680 will be glad to hear that Durham will be in perfect position for Contract Drive 2008, as the Chronicle’s John Shea reported today that Durham fully expects to be the starting second baseman this year.

So the Giants aren’t going to just be weak defensively and at the plate, but they are going to go with the old guys. It’s going to take an all-out fan revolt to get the Giants to actually try playing some of the players who are under 30.

So Gamers get ready, the Gigantes are going for the tired starters/energetic bench guys approach this year.

– And while not even playing, Barry Bonds is getting more publicity than any active Giant. Apparently the guy who caught Bonds’ 762nd home run ball in Colorado is finally going public with it, saying it’s time to take it out of the inner depths of his closet and sell the ball.

Can you imagine keeping a baseball potentially worth a million dollars in your closet? Do you put it in a plastic bag and stick it deep within your stinkiest sneaker? Maybe that’s just what I would do if I had a million dollar baseball. I’m pretty sure I don’t, unless a Jeff Kent foul ball from a 1998 Giants/Expos game is worth that much. I should really get that thing appraised.

– A good-luck sendoff goes to another, uh, more experienced guy, Trent Dilfer. You were a great 49er Trent, whether it was mentoring Alex Smith and molding him into the quarterback we know today…er…I mean, thank you Trent for the great heroics on the field last year…wait, that’s not it…Trent, can I just thank you in advance for your fine work on Fox Sports Radio with Dan Patrick next year?

I just don’t see Mike Martz letting you anywhere near his quarterbacks, especially J.T. O’Sullivan, who got closer to “Mr. O’Sullivan” status when Martz announced he’d be competing with Smith and Shaun Hill for the starting job. I love Martz already.

Martz: Mr. O’Sullivan, your coat is so shiny every since I brought you so close to your Davis home. You have always been a California boy, haven’t you? Yessss…..

Mr. O’Sullivan: Mrow?

Martz: Finding a specimen like you in Division II football was truly a “pick of the litter.” Let’s go to the park and work on footwork, and then we’ll get you a delicious jerky treat. Jerrrrrky Treeeaaat?

Mr. O’Sullivan: (Purring) Mrrroooowwww…

Martz: But first, there’s a certain future 49er starting quarterback who needs his flea medicine!…Hey, get back here Mr. O’Sullivan!

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