8:34: It was an ordeal to get into the Oracle, to put it lightly. There must be some sort of terrorist threat I haven’t heard that came through this week, because it’s affecting me every day. On BART, the same bomb-sniffing dog has been on my train for the past week, and I couldn’t bring my backpack in tonight, which led to walking around the perimeter of the arena till I could find a place where they would let me in without “checking my bag.” By the time our usher was able to get the family of Kings fans out of our seats, it’s already 7-3 Warriors.
8:01: Webber looks really slow.
7:51: Mike Bibby just made his second straight reverse lay-up. What is this, the Indiana Hoosiers with Bibby playing the part of Damon Bailey?
7:11: Nice and-one for Baron. What does it mean that Violet Palmer is a ref for both games I’ve done a point-by-point on?
6:50: Bibby makes an underhanded hook-lay-up to make the score 14-9 Warriors. How many WNBA lay-ups will he make this quarter?
6:02: Webber just looked as awkward as me swing dancing…missed baby-hook, Kings basket the other way…16-12 W’s.
5:13: ANOTHER BIBBY REVERSE LAYUP!!! This is getting gross.
4:57: Monta with a reverse of his own. 18-14, W’s.
4:11: Webber is getting boards, got to give him that.
3:55: Putback by Bibby, who has 10 points already: 18-16 W’s
3:30: 3 for Stack. The Warriors look like they care tonight, unlike their performance on MLK Day against the T-Wolves.
2:45: Timeout…time to catch my breath. The family that was sitting in our seats when we got here finally got kicked out of the seats next to us. Thank God. If the six-year-old Kings fan swung his legs into mine one more time I was going to at least think about tossing him down to the first level.
2:28: Biedrins dunk!!! As much as I kid the tanning, he is probably my favorite Warrior.
1:39: Stack fouled on the drive (thankfully)…I’d love to see a ball-handling contest between Stephen and J-Rich, sort of like the fabled Marcia vs. Greg driving contest on the Brady Bunch. Although I think both Stephen and Jason would have broken the egg on that orange cone…both free throws made, 24-16 W’s.
43.4: Spencer Hawes just got fouled while trying to mess around under the basket…the Kings are going to be bad for a while if this is their future.
0:00: Matt Barnes lay-up, followed by a Barnes steal and missed three at the buzzer. If the Warriors somehow win a title in the Nelson Era, Barnes will never move. As long as he stays in the 510 area code, he’s getting free brews and In Ã¢â‚¬Ëœn Out for the rest of his life.
(Between quarters): Let’s get our bearings here: we’re second level, but it’s the Disabled Seating…OK, make your jokes about me now, but these are nice seats. In football terms we’d be at the 30-yard line, and nobody’s in front of us.
11:10: Monta is going to make a LOT of money soon. 30-21 Warriors after an Ellis jumper.
11:04: Sports Girl Liz just mentioned that Biedrins has the same skin tone as Monta. So address those nasty emails to email@example.com!
9:28: Pietrus is complaining to the officials right now…do you think that his broken English really is going to get the W’s any calls? Um, me neither — 32-25 Warriors after two Mikey Moore free throws.
I am jealous of Biedrins’ bronze
(Sports Girl Liz just took the computer from me)
7:57: We have a John Salmons sighting! I thought he only existed in fantasy leagues.
7:37: Ron Artest jumper. Nice to see he can shoot at his soon-to-be home floor.
7:00: Salmons just got rejected by Barnes. Maybe he does just exist in fantasy leagues.
6:01: Standing-room-only Kings mom (the one who brought the kids who were in our seats when we got here) is standing uncomfortably close, clapping six inches from my ear. I think she may have taken some fertility drugs back in the day, since she has roughly 4 kids of the same age and size that are with her. Oh yeah, it’s 37-33 Warriors.
5:17: V-Palm just struck again…unbelievably horrible charging call on Pietrus.
3:53: Artest hits a three…he is the best player on the floor right now.
2:43: Biedrins with a driving lefty dunk. 44-39 Warriors.
0:54: I think Nelson is crying uncle — Webber hasn’t played since midway through the first quarter.
0:00: The last ten seconds of this game had a couple of weird ref moments. The first was when Dick Bavetta gave Don Nelson an ass-pat as he trotted up the floor. Then after a Baron Davis three, V-Palm pops up again with a questionable foul call on a diving/sliding Baron who barely runs in to Bibby’s shins. Bibby hits one free throw, and it’s 51-46 W’s at halftime.
Halftime: Just got a tap on the shoulder from the Dad of the kid who was kicking my chair at a 40-kick-per-minute pace during the 2nd quarter (Dad seems to have a seat somewhere else in the arena, while he allows his wife and several children to fend for themselves with Standing Room Only seats). He said his kid was “bummed” because I told him to stop kicking my chair, while the kid maintains he never kicked my chair. I handled the situation with aplomb (um Dad, your kid was kicking my chair with rapid fire accuracy, but it’s all good now. Why don’t you take your standing-room-only family elsewhere, please?…OK, maybe the last part I didn’t say)…gave the kid a handshake, no hard feelings, and the family left…finally.
Kanye makes the Warriors feel stronger
(Sports Girl Liz, again)
8:45: Can Webber even put his hands up?
7:26: Stack is hurt…didn’t know that was possible. Is he wearing Jordan VIII’s?
7:17: Jackson’s back in the game, but Webber may never be, in a sense. Chris just threw the ball off Martin’s leg for some reason. Baron hits two of three free throws, and it’s 62-57, Warriors.
6:27: Fifth foul on Baron?!?! What the hell is going on?
5:35: I should have mentioned that Biedrins replaced Webber over a minute ago. Since this Point-by-Point has already had a Brady Bunch mention, does anybody else feel like the addition of Webber is sort of like when the Bradys brought Oliver into the fold?
5:09 Baron just lost the ball to Kevin Martin for no reason. Martin lay-up, 64-63 Kings.
3:53: Artest with another 20-footer…67-66 Kings
3:23: I just realized something I have to mention, even though it’s been overdone in this column. Biedrins has the same skin tone as Roger Lodge from Blind Date. Had to be said. Two free throws by Al, 71-66 W’s.
3:10: Brad Miller just scored, days after getting nine stitches during a “dishwashing accident.” So I guess Miller’s the one guy in the NBA who does his own dishes.
Timeout: I know whom Biedrins hangs out with on his spare time…the Warrior Girls! Joe Buck and Troy Aikman would feel like albinos if they were here.
2:29: Artest 3-footer. 19 points, and Mullin is scanning his bench to see who looks ripe for the trading. Will Pietrus live in the same apartment when he becomes a King? 72-71, Sacramento.
1:50: Beno Udrih just abused Baron, still playing with five fouls. Thanks, Violet Palmer. 74-71 Kings.
0:32: Without Stack, this would be a blowout. Stack 3, Warriors down 2: 78-76.
0:02: Does any righty go to his left as well as Monta right now? Jumping with the left foot, lay-up with the left hand, and it’s 78-78 at the end of three quarters.
10:30: Wow. Barnes just airballed a three and got rejected by the rim on a dunk in the same minute.
9:50: Great steal by Barnes, pass to Baron, and Baron just threaded the needle on a somewhat stupid pass back to Barnes, which Barnes somehow converted. 80-80.
8:29: I’m sorry; I’m calling B.S. on Kevin Martin right now. He isn’t good. I don’t care what his scoring average is. He doesn’t add one thing but easy baskets, and he hasn’t even made those tonight.
7:51: The Warriors are playing some defense! The crowd is fired up! And…official’s timeout and a bunch of guys in orange jumpsuits rolling around in Heelies. Oh, Thunder has the T-shirt gun, better watch out! Maybe they can give Webber one of those in March when he doesn’t play anymore.
7:31: Stack Three! Of course, it’s off a touch pass by Monta.
7:05: When John Salmons rebounds his own miss and puts it back in, that’s not a good sign…87-86, Warriors.
6:04: Monta is the best Warrior (right now). Two straight times racing down the floor: one lay-up, one foul and two free throws. 91-86, Monta (I mean Warriors)…Monta has 24 points to lead all scorers, while Stack has 22….timeout.
5:59: The amount of real hair on the Warrior girls is only slightly more than what sprouts off my dome right now. Who do you think will be the first male to get hair extensions and have it accepted by the public (besides Bret Michaels)?
5:14: Bibby just shot an airball and then was rejected by the rim 14 seconds later…at least Barnes now has company.
4:54: Artest with another easy lay-up, 91-88 Warriors.
4:19: Monta with a 9-foot jumper, and SGL just became unhinged. I haven’t seen her this excited since the last UW football game.
3:55: Monta, and one!!! 29 points and counting, 96-88 W’s.
2:51: Bibby jumper. You knew you’d hear from him again.
2:11: V-Palm with a horrrrrreeeeennnnndous call on Baron. Kevin Martin did a little Reggie Miller step-in to get contact, only he didn’t even shoot. No problem, Violet calls foul number six on the Baron, who only scored 10 points tonight. Man, there’s a lot of time left.
2:05: Another lay-up for Artest…98-92 Warriors.
1:25: Kevin Martin misses a three. Told you.
1:16: Monta fouled on the drive…two free throws up and in.
1:01: Bibby three: 100-95 Warriors.
0:35.1: How do you let Salmons get an offensive rebound, make a lay-up and one? 100-98 Warriors.
0:15.0: Monta’s ready. He just needs to take a page from the book of Baron and not pass when there is less than 20 seconds left. Harrington nearly lost Monta’s pass out of bounds and gave it right back to Ellis, who drove in and had the ball knocked away. If Monta or Stack doesn’t take the next shot, you can take my girlfriend’s laptop away from me right now.
0:12.9: Barnes out of bounds pass to Monta, and he sticks the 14-foot baseline jumper. 33 points for Monta, 4-point lead, and a great thigh-shot courtesy of the cameramen working behind the Warrior Girls. Oh yeah, 102-98 Warriors.
0:04.7: Stack overplays Salmons, who races in for a lay-up off the glass. 102-100 W’s.
0:03.3: Monta on the line to ice it…miss. Monta, on the line to at least force the tie…make. 103-100 Warriors. If Bibby is allowed to shoot a three during the next play, I might heave this laptop that isn’t mine at the next Warrior Jam Squad member I see.
0:03:0: Brad Miller somehow was fouled in .3 seconds. Luckily they didn’t call in the act of shooting. He makes both free throws. 103-102, W’s.
0:02.4: Time couldn’t be moving slower if this were a funeral. Stack on the line for two…good and good! 105-102, Warriors!
0:00.0: Artest misses the three (why did Bibby pass?)…105-102 Warriors win! The kids that spent the first half kicking my chair are inconsolable right now.
Monta Ellis’s final line: 34 points, 9 rebounds and 5 assists. Get ready. He’s coming.