Dashon Goldson

Tim Lincecum, Pert Plus on line one…

What, you thought I’d go all Juan Uribe-insane and forget to write about the best pitching performance from a San Francisco Giant than anybody under 40 has ever seen? 95 pitches, and that wasn’t the half of it. I was listening to the game on the radio with friends in San Jose yesterday, and the bottom of the ninth inning was over and done with before we could even finish laughing at the KNBR commercials that preceded the action.

“Hey, you’re Lisa Stevens from Wells Fargo bank!”

“That’s right, Shane…”

Of course, since just talking about pitching dominance is sooooo 1994 in the Internetz age, we have to talk about Timmeh’s hair. And Deadspin, who obviously hasn’t seen Tim with his hat off, has decreed that his success is in part due to his “mullet.”

I don’t know if you’re aware, but I’m pretty much a mullet expert. The Kentucky Waterfall has been of great interest to me for several years (as an observer, not a participator…wait, what are you doing with those pictures of me in Jr. High? Those are Photoshopped, I swear!), and what Lincecum is sporting is not a mullet. He doesn’t have bangs, or (even better) closely-cropped curls in the front. His hair is long all over this season for whatever reason (maybe he really thought long and hard about the questions that were asked of him when I took part in that MLB 2K9 press conference before the season), not even close to the Camaro Cut Randy Johnson has sported throughout most of his career.

Deadspin asks, “You think he uses Prell on that baby, or does only Herbal Essences touch those tresses?” Everyone knows if he’s truly worried about caring for his mullet, he needs to take the advice of Mike Piazza and use Pert Plus (for anyone who wants to see an unbelievable ad featuring Piazza’s patented mustache/mullet combo, click here…I cannot believe this ridiculous poster is going for $15). C’mon, it’s shampoo and conditioner in one! For a guy like Lincecum whose games have been averaging about two hours and fifteen minutes lately, the time-saving properties of everyone’s favorite green shampoo just make sense.

From neck locks to new links…

  • Well duh, he eats Choco Tacos! All them other pitchers be eatin’ Drumsticks! (Big League Stew)
  • Whenever you blame the Giants for making decisions based more on financial concerns than on anything having to do with baseball, remember they shot themselves in the foot/checkbook with Lincecum. Because they called him up late in 2007, Lincecum is a “super two,” which means he’ll go to arbitration after the season. Aw, who cares, party at Woody’s shed!!! (Extra Baggs)  ***Also on Extra Baggs: the Giants have the same lineup tonight as last night. Oooh…Ribe!!!***
  • Impressive debut for Ryan Sadowski — first win, first big league hit, 6 shutout innings. Unfortunately his stuff is borderline at best, a fact proven through the magic of PitchFX charts. (Bay City Ball)
  • How’s the situation at safety for the 49ers? Well, let’s just say the Niners better hope Dashon Goldson stays healthy. Ronnie Lott, Jeff Fuller and Carlton Williamson these guys are not. (Matt Maiocco)
  • The 10 most important players for the 49ers in 2009. Is it a bad sign that “offensive line” and “49ers QB” are both considered players? (Niners Nation)
  • Raider fans got together in Marina Del Rey, and one brought a Raiders-themed truck featuring the totally necessary airbrushed painting of a skeleton drinking Patron….among other things. (SPORTSbyBROOKS)
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