Anthony Randolph

You just have to laugh

Don’t worry, I’m not going to go point-by-point on why the 49ers lost to the Falcons today. You probably know, because you watched it (on TV apparently, since Candlestick Park looked about half-full from 1 pm until 3 pm when everyone left). But seriously, there are so many things wrong with this weekend that I honestly wouldn’t be surprised to read that Tim Lincecum tore his rotator cuff last night while celebrating the Huskies’ wacky last-minute win over the Arizona Wildcats. They say in times of crisis it can feel better to make a list. So let’s make a list of all the crappy things we can whine about.

1. The Fox announcers were going off on Glen Coffee for being MIA after Josh Morgan got tackled from behind inside the Falcons’ 5-yard-line, causing Mike Singletary to call timeout. Actually, while that was a terrible play, the 49ers made several worse mental errors which were more painful, starting with Singletary’s NBA-style timeout he called in order to “wake the defense up” or something. Darryl Johnston was still in the middle of slobbering over Singletary’s timeout huddle and speech that he was caught totally unawares when Roddy White caught a long touchdown on the very next play. Hopefully that’ll be the last time Singletary calls a timeout for reasons other than stopping the clock.

2. Vernon Davis has toned down his jackass tendencies, but Singletary may want to talk to Delaney Walker (who doesn’t finish routes, had a horrible unnecessary roughness penalty called on him and fumbled away a kickoff return … OK, maybe it wasn’t a legit fumble, but close enough), Morgan (who noticeably slowed up on that breakaway pass down the right side before getting tackled at the 3) and Dre Bly (who’s not only a jackass, he’s a dated jackass for pulling a Deion before getting caught from behind and fumbling away what was a pretty nice INT).

3. The Raiders are sinking like a stone. I don’t like the Raiders, but this is getting depressing. I’m looking forward to Tom Cable’s inevitable arrest and trial for trying to kill Randy Hanson, simply because I’m bored.

4. Stephen Jackson just got suspended by Don Nelson for 2 games, meaning he’ll get traded for another Jamal Crawford type (flawed, overpaid and redundant) before this season even starts.

5. Anthony Randolph got in a fight at a club in Walnut Creek (keep in mind that at age 20 he never should have been in the club in the first place) and the Warriors and Walnut Creek have effectively covered it up (no charges will be filed). However, it was unsettling to hear Mike Fratello pass on that Don Nelson was worried about Randolph’s lack of conditioning coming into camp during last night’s Suns/Warriors outdoor preseason game. Hopefully Randolph is just being a normal 20-year-old, and this isn’t just the beginning of Ant turning into the type of hard-partying loose cannon that could make him indistinguishable from another basketball-playing Randolph (first name: Zach).

6. So much for an exciting season of Bay Area college football. Sheesh.

7. Still no word on Bruce Bochy or Brian Sabean, which either means the Giants are waiting until nobody is paying attention to announce their extensions or is on the phone right now with Tony LaRussa in hopes he can perform both roles for the Gigantes next season.

OK, back to the Niners…

8. So much for that 49ers pass rush. Justin Smith got one good hit on Matt Ryan a split second after he got rid of the ball. Otherwise, the team looked like they have in each of the past 7 years.

9. Chilo Rachal, uggh.

10. Stuff for the 49ers to work on over the bye week: getting Shaun Hill to stop forcing the ball to Isaac Bruce on every fifth offensive play; finding someone to play safety after Dashon Goldson got toasted and Michael Lewis suffered another concussion; tackling practice for Nate Clements; integrating Michael Crabtree and Brandon Jones into the offense for at least 10 plays per game; praying over Frank Gore’s ankle.

Hey, the sports around here may be disappointing as all get-out, but at least we get the Blue Angels here once a year and I was able to go wine tasting yesterday. Nope, you’ll never hear me being a Negative Nancy. 15 championship-free years and counting, baby. At least the Bay Area is starting to get an identity other than “really liberal and way too expensive.”

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